A Summary...

Well folks, I've been a slacker in the blog department as of late.

So, this is my quick summary of recent events:

Christmas was fantastic - we got the kids a Wii and knocked their socks off :-) We lead them all over the house with riddles & clues that finally lead to it. It was awesome! Funny enough, it was not great because of the Wii, but the look on their faces and the joy, shock and gratefulness for each other that was there before the Wii was even unveiled. By the time it came around to the Wii - it was just like icing on the cake. :-) I am so grateful to have such amazing children and family! What a joy!

Two days after our blissful Christmas, we discovered that all three kids had head lice. I instantly burst into panic filled tears and was super overwhelmed. This was a first for us. I'm not gonna lie - it was a bad case too. To top it all off - I actually also had it. I was MORTIFIED. Aaron started off thinking I was being a spaz & by the end he was the one practically hyperventilating once the reality of it all sank in. The work, the severity of the lice, the amount of people we have potentially exposed, the work. (yep the work gets 2 mentions, because dear lord have mercy...e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g had to be cleaned, steamed, dried, frozen, bleached, washed &/or examined. It was horrid.

Thankfully, we have a friend who is a lice expert & even works part time with a thing called the Lice Clinic. She was able to talk us through the process, helped us prioritize our cleaning tasks, talked prevention in the future & gave us our options on how to deal. Roz & I did the lice clinic treatment to nip it all in the bud (thank god there is such a thing), and the boys got their heads shaved. It has been a dramatic & draining week to say the least. I am, however, feeling a lot better now that the worst is behind us. SO, we are breathing MUCH easier now...phew!

2010 has been a big year - full of wonderful adventures & celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary! We got a new niece this year too, and what a joy she is!

We are looking forward to 2011 & all that it will hold for us. I really need to think about what I hope it entails - or goals or something. I guess off the top of my head:

Cosmetology school will hopefully begin for me...which will mean an entirely new season for my family. So, I pray that will be a smooth transition that is full of grace, peace & joy.

I'd really like to continue & get a bit more disciplined than I've been as of late with nutrition and consistency of exercise...okay mostly in the food department. It's time to reign it in and get back on track. So, that is definitely a goal for me.

I would like to cut our debt in half this year...which I think is absolutely possible if we stick to our plan...so knock on wood that everything big keeps working (like vehicles, house stuff, etc) so we can see this goal come to fruition!!

Hmm, I don't know - I can't really think of anything else. I love my family & I think we're in a good/healthy place for the most part - not perfect...life is messy sometimes, but it's good. I feel like we are in a place that is reaping the benefits of good/hard choices made in years past...not that we won't have times like that in the future too. I'm sure we will, but I am keenly aware that we worked really hard at building a healthy foundation early on & often times it was against the grain of society and even some friends who thought we were crazy. We were the "fighters". And, it's true - we fought a lot & I'm not suggesting that it has to be done the way we did it...but I am a firm believer in saying what you need to say. For us - it was about having the discussions or fights...not shying away from them because it's easier at the time. And not fighting for the sake of fighting, but really getting to the root issues & really helping each other deal with our issues & be better & stronger. You know the whole 'caring enough to confront' idea...it's really a true thing! Honestly, I am seeing the benefit of that even now in our life - in our marriage & our kids, etc. And I'm so grateful for it. It's good.

So, here's to 2011...may it be great!

You know when...

You're pregnant and you start noticing all the other preggers in the world (and babies and kids, etc, etc)?! Well, lately I swear that all I see are cosmetologists (and great haircuts and color, etc, etc). AND it's like I draw them to me. I was even at the gym today & 2 gals came up to me complimenting my hair. :-) One of them was (of course) a cosmetlogist. I told them that I knew one of them HAD to be...their hair was WAY too perfect for an exercise class.

Isn't that SO weird how that happens in life?! I LOVE IT! :-D

Is it wrong...

to be torn between sending a few old ladies to the naughty chair or beating their asses right there on the spot?

I SERIOUSLY contemplated both yesterday when I was SO beyond badly treated by these bitchy old ladies. I put together most of a christmas dinner for the Spokane Bridge Club last night (the main dish was lasagna made by someone else...I did the rest). It was for 70 people. I was early & fully prepared. The lasagna lady showed up late - dumped her stuff & dashed (the ass-hat). So, the old bittys got all rilled up & unloaded on ME about how they had to wait. They were being SO rude! I apologized nicely several times - trying to explain that the lasagnas were late & the gal hadn't cut any of them, so we needed to do that really quickly, etc. And they continued to be horrible to me...complaining about me, the wait, etc. They actually made it personal too - attacking me as a person! I am not exaggerating when I say how truly rude & horrible they were. After the whole ordeal I was crying in the back room. Though I'm not sure if it was because my feelings were hurt or I was just so PISSED OFF (mostly the second one). Either way, I considered both quitting on the spot & making an announcement to the whole group about what terrible people a few of them are. As well as informing that I would be horrified if my children ever behaved like they just had. (Yep, I'd shame the shit out of these bitches). Instead, I tried to serve with a smile, cried in the back room for a moment & then just cleaned up and got my behind out of there. I am considering writing a letter to a few of the head people with the Bridge Club though, because I will not be treated like that again.

Sorry, my experience with them yesterday brings out the swearing...whew, rant over.

I think I finally figured it out...

I've been feeling in a funk lately. I haven't been able to put my finger on why, but I've just felt off.

It's the holiday season and I LOVE the holidays, and yet I haven't quite felt myself. It's been really strange.

Well, just today I was ruminating on this again...praying & ruminating. And I finally think I've figured it out. It was like the picture came into focus, and I actually feel better.

I feel like I am on 'pause'. I know what I want to do with my life - I even know where I want to do it...in fact I EVEN have a timeline of WHEN I will be doing it...it's just 6 months away. And, so emotionally I can feel myself ready for this next step. I don't feel the same grace & peace for being home 24/7 like I did in so many years past. Not that I'm not grateful - because I really am! And I LOVE my family - they are a big part of why I want to do what I do. But I can feel the seasons change in my soul.

So, for now, it helps me to at least identify what I am feeling. It helps me to enjoy that last bits of this season instead of being frustrated by them. And, it helps me to know that I'm not crazy...at least not any crazier than usual. ;-)

Muffin Tops...

I have seen all the butt cracks I can take and I can't take any more!

Sadly, these are not the butt cracks one expects to see & dare I say even hopes to see (for the sake of a little giggle ONLY) ie plumbers. No, no...these are the butt cracks of ladies who are obviously unwilling to admit that they are actually a size (or 4) larger than they had once been (see how I'm giving them credit here - maybe they were once that size. Even though, if I'm honest, I doubt most of them ever were.).

Do these chicks not know that when they sit or bend over or pretty much do anything, that we can see that ole muffin top exploding out of their pants? Now, I am really not talking about the little bit of pudge that likes to make itself known around the holidays or anything like that...I'm talking about the blatant ones. The kind that we all just go 'uh, honey - who do you think you are fooling?' Since when is it more attractive to wear jeans under the belly & let it all hang out? Have we all turned into middle aged men who let their bellies hang out? I mean seriously...

In fact, it was when my size 6 friend said to me a few years ago "That's it - I need to buy mid-rise jeans from now on...the low risers are just not working!' that I had a revelation. This is not just a big girl problem. This is a woman problem...

So, I say to woman kind - buy the jeans that ACTUALLY FIT YOU. No one has to know the size that the tag says. No one has to know if they are mid-rise or low rise. I guarantee that you will be more comfortable! And, the rest of us will no longer have to pretend that we didn't just see way more of you than any of us wanted. Deal?!

Wishing for an adventure...

I sit here at home today in my cozy clothes thinking about adventure. I am in the mood for going on a new adventure...too bad adventures usually cost money (which is the ONE thing we don't have too much of these days...dang it!).

I watched "Eat, Pray, Love" the other day and loved it! That's probably what sparked my desire for adventure and travel.

Then again, I am pretty comfy here at home watching the snow come down outside, while I sit in the office watching a movie and writing. Oh well, I guess I will just enjoy my relaxing day at home instead.

So, if you find yourself torn between your desires for adventure and being relaxed at home...may you find contentment. There is a quote that my hubby read lately that really resinates with me "Comparison is the thief of joy & contentment".

I think that's what I want to try to hold onto more than anything else in this holiday season - contentment.

Who lives in your head?

This is who lives in mine:

Angela Chase from "My So Called Life"

The first show I watched as an adolescent that I REALLY related to! I started my hair dying journey of streaks and trying new things right along side her too. Contemplative, hard on herself, a little insecure at times, and feeling like she doesn't quite fit in the box.

Monica from 'Friends'

Cleaning & organization spaz with her secret messy closet. ;-) Hair-brained at times, clumsy & willing to look stupid/go out on a limb too (especially for her friends). And she cooks!

Dr. Phil & Oprah

I am usually the one to ask the question no one else wants to ask or address the elephant in the room. This can often result in 2 disorders - foot in mouth syndrome and verbal diarrhea. I tell it like it is, but I also love to encourage people at the same time, so at least there's that!

Lorelai Gilmore from "Gilmore Girls"

A mom that's just trying to do the best she can...with flair, a drink once in a while & (hopefully) a whole lot of fun! :-)

Dear Self...

Stop with so much word vomit. You don't have to share all of your thoughts just because you think & feel them...especially when it's about other people. Seriously...exhale on the choices that other people make. Your obsessing isn't changing anything, so STOP IT!

I know you feel that it's impossible to ignore the elephant in the room. Sometimes that is a good thing, but sometimes it's not actually an elephant. Sometimes, it's that you need to be more mature and accept that people are going to make choices that are different than you and you just need to shut up about it. Seriously.

**Now, if only I could take my own advice. Ugh!**

My New Adventure

For the last few years, I have been considering what I would like to do next in life. You know, once the kids are all in school. I’m not really too interested in sitting around the house all day by myself, or cleaning my house everyday all day. I mean, I probably could clean it everyday all day, but who wants to live like that?!

Anyway, a couple of years ago I realized that Cosmetology could really be an amazing fit for me. It would be about a year of school. Eventually, I would have flexibility...flexibility to go on vacation when we want to and STILL be able to make money and book clients around my schedule. I would get to be social and not be chained to a desk all day. AND, I would have a trade…heck, something I could do from home if I wanted to (if/when I had the clientele).

Still, I have been thinking it wouldn’t be until Noah was in first grade, which is not for another year and a half.

However, I’ve been thinking more and more about the whole topic. I finally decided to just GO SEE the Paul Mitchell School – thinking that maybe it would help put some questions to rest.

It was really nerve-wracking getting ready for the tour. I’ve been really worried about being way older than the rest of the students. I mean, cosmetology school has rules like ‘you must be, at least, 17 years of age’. 17! I am almost double that (dear LORD!). Am I gonna be ‘with it’ enough? Cool enough? Or am I going to stick out like a sore thumb (me and my old lady grey-roots)?

Fast-forward a bit…it was AWESOME! I LOVED IT! The 2 gals that walked around with me were in their mid 30’s & mid 40’s, and they were both students! It was so encouraging! They talked all about how much of an advantage it was for them to have lived life before going to school, and how they have clients that come to them because they don’t have green hair. In the end, I was so excited! I actually felt as though there was a part of me that was being awakened that has been dormant in me for quite a while. It felt like a breath of fresh air in a part of me that I had kind of forgotten about.

So, I have decided that I am going to apply to cosmetology soon and if the school will work with my schedule, I will actually be starting school this summer. You see, they have both night school and day school options. And the gals I talked to said that sometimes people switch from day to night (or vice versa). Not all the time or anything, but the school has been known to work with people’s schedules. SO, in my application I am going to propose (with full disclosure) an idea: I’d like to start cosmetology school this summer going full time (day school) which is Tue – Sat from 9-4:30. Then in September switch to night school which is Mon – Thur from 5-10. I would stay in night school for the entire regular school year (til approx. mid-June). Then I would switch back to day school for the duration of my training. I think that I should be able to complete my training sometime in the fall of 2012 (which will easily be at least 6 months earlier than I would if I waited to start school in the summer of 2012).

I know that it is possible that the school will not want to work with me and my strange proposed schedule, but it’s worth a shot. Worst case scenario, I will just wait until my original start time of summer 2012. Either way, I am excited about the future. I know it will be a challenge too, but it will be worth it. :-)

Aw, crap!

I was plucking my eyebrows today and had a realization. As I looked at my face up close in the mirror with the bright and unforgiving light of the bathroom, I found something. I found a few little dark hairs that were hiding in the beginnings of wrinkles.

Here, look right here – just above my eyebrow sort of slanted like so: /


That’s where the little bastard hairs were hiding out & laughing. Thankfully, I found them, but still – the fact that they could hide is just a little bit depressing. In all honesty, I can laugh about it at this point in life (mostly). However, the truth lurks and looms of what is waiting for me. And THAT is kind of unreal...

Cleaning up...

Don't you just love a clean house? I almost never get my house clean at the same time, but boy do I LOVE it when it is!

I just got my kitchen cleaned and that is good enough for today. I love how cleansed I feel - it's like de-cluttering my brain and my counters. Unfortunately, it never lasts. I guess that's true with most things.

Like dying my hair - it's been 4 weeks (maybe) and my roots are out of control...grey hair galore. Now, THAT is depressing. So, I guess it's time to break out my special old lady hair dye tonight & get it done. Gone are the days of 'cool' hair color like Feria...nope, I've gotta use the 'Grey Solutions' old lady kind. Oh well, that'll be our little secret. ;-) Once all my roots are dyed and my hair is all done - I'll be back to being mistaken for being 25 again and all will be right in the world. Hahaha *snort* well, it's all true (except the being mistaken for 25 part).

I love my mom...

I am days away from turning 32 and I still have times that I just need my mommy.

I have been feeling a bit run over by life lately, and I was talking to my mom about it the other day. We live about 1500 miles away from each other, so it’s as good as it gets.



I found myself jealous of my sister in law again – as she talked about going to lunch with her mom. It’s one of the sucky parts of living so far away. Most of the time, I don’t really think about it, but in those harder times of life – the ones where you really just want your mom – it really sucks.

Anyway, I went to get the mail today and found a little package in there from my mom. It had 2 different cards in there – one with notes of encouragement and one just to make me laugh. :-) She also included a couple of Starbucks gift cards. Is this a great mom or what?! It is JUST what I needed. When we were talking on the phone last week, she had suggested that I grab coffee for myself in the midst of all of the crazy taxi-like driving that I do. My response was (of course) that I couldn’t really afford to. I mean, one every couple of weeks maybe but certainly not the 4 times a week that I am actually running all over town. Hence, the blessing and thoughtfulness of my mom.

Sometimes, I feel like I am just melting away into the scenery. So, it really means so much to me that my mom would take the time to love on me like this. So, as I sit here writing this and crying at how much I love and miss my mom. I also sit here crying happy tears of appreciation and feeling loved. Moms are the best!

This is one quality that my mom has that I REALLY hope to resemble for my kids.
:-)

A Rant...

Am I missing something? I see all of these weight loss commercials where people declare that they lost 35 or 50 pounds and went from a size 18 to a 6. Who are these people? I mean seriously, are they all 4 feet tall? Is THAT the deal? Because I have personally lost 55 pounds (whoop whoop) and went from a size 18 to a 14/12 depending on the item.

Now, I am not complaining about my own weight loss. I have worked really hard for it and I am thrilled to be where I am now. I also am focusing on being healthy and making good choices for me – knowing that my body will come to a place of healthy for me. AND it’s not likely that it will ever be a single digit size. Momma just aint made that way. ;-)

(Warning: Rabbit trail coming at ya) In FACT, my mom had gastric bypass done years ago and her ending and healthy weight is between 175 & 185. She is a bit taller than I am (granted) but I think we are densely weighted as a people. Exercise will always have to be a part of my life. It is really easy for me to gain weight, but the losing of weight – no so much. Hence, the acceptance of my truth – exercise cannot be optional for me.

(Back to the rant) All of that being said, what the hell?! Either, the commercials are crap, the people being featured are all little people, or they literally carried every stitch of extra weight in their stomachs alone. There have even been a few ads that claim even more dramatic differences like ‘I lost 35 lbs and went from a size 24 to a 4’. WHAT-EVER! And I can’t help but give the TV the finger at that point. I mean SERIOUSLY!

confessions...

Every Saturday Noah has a soccer game, and every Saturday about half an hour before his game we are trying to find his friggin' team shirt. EVERY SATURDAY! And every Saturday after his game I declare that we need to keep all his soccer stuff together from now on. But somehow, in the week - that friggin' shirt runs off and we repeat the same stupid pattern over & over & over again. It's infuriating at this point.

Last Saturday, after 5 minutes of looking for his %^$#@*!& shirt I was so pissed that I literally felt like the incredible hulk. I mean it - it is one of the few things that actually makes me go from 0 to 150 mph in mere minutes. Hence, the hulk reference. It's actually helped to have a descriptive for the feeling. It may make me a terrible person, but it is the kind of illogical, and crazy pissed off feeling that I get. Thankfully, Aaron was there. I put my hands on his shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes and said "You have got to take over. I can't find his effing shirt & I'm turning into the hulk. Seriously - YOU have GOT to FIND IT!" He just got all wide eyed & with a smirk says something to the effect of "yes, you are...I'm on it". Thank GOD for him, seriously.

Letter to an Ex...

**I would like to preface this post by saying that I am happily married and have been for 10 years. This is just something I've felt a bit guilty about for years...so I thought there's no better time than now to apologize.


Dear David,

You were a really sweet guy. A great first boyfriend to have…kind, respectful, innocent. I’m sorry I hurt you. When I broke up with you, I told you it was because you were going to leave for college (in a year). It was crap (obviously) and I’m sorry.

The truth is – you were too clingy. I was 16 and wanted to have fun (which we did) but I wasn’t an insecure girl who wanted you to call her every day for no reason. I came to dread the daily phone call after school where you would just sit on the phone with nothing to say. It was weird. AND you got way too serious WAY too fast and I didn’t know how to navigate that or just ask you to slow down. Partly, because I was flattered that you wanted me to be your girlfriend. Looking back, I wish I would have been honest with you (nicely), because I think I probably hurt you more by coming up with BS reasons rather than just being honest (or you came up with your own reasons that were not true). I’m sorry. I was 16 and stupid. In summary: It wasn't you, It was me (okay...it was a little you).

;-)

Working on an attitude adjustment...

The school year has been in full swing now for a couple of months. I waited a while to say much about it, because quite frankly - I was HATING it. Not the teachers or my kids, just the schedule itself. I felt like my life is happening TO me...or running me over most often.

My SIL had a baby a few weeks ago and since then, I have realized how much our lives have really changed this year. We don't have that open schedule to plan playdates or coffee dates that can last however long we want them to. I can't be spontaneous and just decide to go to Greenbluff because it sounds fun. I have to run Roz to kindergarten at 12:30, but first I have to run Noah up North to preschool at 11:30. I get a whole 20 minutes to do what I want to do while all the kids are in school, and then I start the pick ups...oh really, a whole 20 minutes?! Agh!! That 20 minutes rarely ends up even being mine anyways, because I usually have some errand to run that I need to squeeze in. Then there's the soccer for Noah and ballet lessons for Roz. Then, I can't forget about Jehu's basketball or baseball. I want my kids to have activities that are just theirs, and as long as they enjoy it, I'm happy to get them there. BUT, it's A LOT at the same time.

I felt like all I did was holler at my kids to get dressed & hurry up. I felt tired all the time. And most importantly, I really felt I had lost my joy. That is NOT how I want to live my life! I dont want those to be the things my kids remember about how mom is, either. So...

I FINALLY had an emotional breakdown and talked to Aaron about all of it. I NEED HELP was the general theme of that convo. In reality, I am a highly capable woman, but sometimes, I need to just ask for help and allow myself to be weak.

I still dont love the schedule this year. And, I think I need to keep reminding myself that 'it's just a year - I can do anything for a year'. BUT along with that - my husband has really stepped up to help me too, thank GOD! We decided to keep the TV off between dinner time & bed time for the kids...so we can be more present & on purpose. Everyone helps clean up after dinner too, which is nice for me...I shop for the food, I plan, I cook - I really dont want to have to clean it all up (by myself) too. We're working on implementing other things too, but those few have been the most helpful changes so far!

Thankfully, I am feeling lighter and more like myself again. I still dont love our schedule this year, but I am dealing with it and we're gonna make it!

NYC in August

So, we had one last amazing hurrah this summer. We went to NYC for our 10th anniversary! We left the kids with the grandparents (and aunt/uncle, and friends) for a whole week and took NYC by storm!

Here's a quick list of some of the amazing things we did:
Saw the statue of liberty (via the staten island ferry)
Walked across the Brooklyn Bridge (followed up with eating delicious brooklyn pizza at Grimaldi's pizza)
Times Square - during the day and at night
Went to the MET & the Natural History Museum
Walked through Central Park
Rode the Subway all the time (we felt like it was a new cool game that we had learned by the end)
Ordered Chinese food at 1:30 am
Hot dogs from a street vendor (street meat)
We went to a Broadway Show - 'Promises, Promises' with Sean Hayes and Kristin Chenoweth (it was AMAZING!!)
NBC Studios tour - got to see SNL studios and walk those hallowed halls :-)
Went to the Top of the ROCK (which has a great tour of it's own talking about how it all originated)
9/11 Tribute Center - we bawled our faces off, but it was SO powerful!
Went to Chinatown, Little Italy, Greenwich Village, Chelsea (the chelea market is awesome!), NYU campus, SOHO, the garment district (Parsons school of Design!),Upper West Side, Upper East Side, Brooklyn, etc! Basicly we went EVERYWHERE!
Shopping, shopping and more shopping! We haggled with a few street vendors and had a grande time.

We had a tour of FOOD:
Ippudo in Greenwich village. Japenese Ramen - SO AWESOME! I MUST attempt to make this!
Cookshop in Chelsea - gourmet deliciousness. We had rabbit, oysters, lamb, etc.
Tabla - amazing Indian Food. We did a tasting (which is like 10 courses of incredible food in ways I have never had them!)
Magnolia Bakery - we went here several times including on the eve of our last night in NYC. Gotta LOVE that you can buy cupcake deliciousness at 11pm in Greenwich Village
Sushi in Times Square
Ate really good food at an Irish Pub called the Pig 'n' Whistle - which was super authenticly Irish...waitress included.
We drank at the House of Brews at midnight...shots with the hubby is FUN!
Shake Shack - best burgers and shakes! And we beat the lines - which can be hours long!
Grimaldi's Pizza in Brooklyn (long wait, but seriously good!)
Amazing Italian food with an unbelievable bread basket in Little Italy!
Etc, etc, etc...

We had the time of our lives! It was a trip that we will never forget! I really wouldn't want to live there, but it was FANTASTIC to visit!

Check out some pics from the trip:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=231461&id=855642263&l=4ffba4b65f

We have some GREAT tips to share with anyone who wants to visit NYC too, so email me & I will happily share!

Summer update - part 2

We decided to give camping a try. This was a family first! In fact, it'd been almost 11 years since Aaron & I had been camping. To be honest, we don't really fancy ourselves outdoorsmen. We don't hunt or fish & don't aspire to. But, we decided to give camping a try!

The whole idea got started months ago while out to coffee with a few girlfriends. We thought it would be so fun to go camping together, as families. Let the kids play and be dirty and swim and love every second of it. What a fun & relatively cheap experience!

And guess what? It really was! We don't own anything hardly, so we were really thankful for my in laws who happened to have a ton of camping stuff & let us borrow it. We faked our way through the rest.

We made a ton of memories & had a ball!

I had a few marshmallow games planned for the kids. They LOVED them, which was awesome! Ya gotta love the classics like chubby bunnies. :)

I was having all of these fun memories - of kids camps & family camps from what feels like a million years ago. I love that we got to give our kids great memories of their own with family camping, etc!

They stayed up late, roasting marshmallows and playing spy games with flashlights. We even went on 2 hikes! The second of which was 5 miles and 6000 feet in elevation! We almost quit a few times, but we pushed through & we made it! That's saying something with a 4, 5 and 8 year old. :)

We all left thoroughly dirty and tired, but in such a great way! We made a lot of notes on what we'd do different next time & what worked well for us. So, I think that it will go even better the next time we venture out into the woods. :)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Summer update - part 1

This summer has flown by faster than ANY other thus far! We have been on the go non-stop. We have either been gone, getting ready to go, or just recovering from being gone all summer, I swear it! We have made some awesome memories and had some incredible experiences!! I am so grateful!!

I started things off with a concert at The Gorge. It's a gorgeous outdoor amphitheater. The concert I went to was Lilith Fair and it was a blast! I went with a group of girlfriends. :)










It really was such a blast!!

Two days later we headed to my mom's wedding in Iowa. I packed up our car and drove me & my kids half way across the country. That's 2 days of driving and about 1500 miles. The way out was mostly fun and uneventful. I say mostly, because when we were 40 miles away from my mom's house my SUV went ape-shit crazy and ultimately died on me. So, i had to call my mom, brother & a tow truck to come & rescue me.

My battery was SO dead that my hazard lights didn't even work. It was getting dark, and I was really wanting to panic. I knew that I needed to stay calm though, for my kids to stay calm (or as calm as possible). Semi trucks flying past us (at 70 mph) with no hazard lights to warn them that we are on the side of the road is not super comforting, however. Thankfully I remembered that we had some flares in the back. I bought them years ago in an 'always be prepared' inspiration. I could have kissed myself in that moment, because they were EXACTLY what we needed! It took a few minutes, but I finally figured out how to work them. They lasted for a good half hour, and my mom & brother showed up within about 5 minutes after they went out. Thank you JESUS! We were saved!

I got my kids into my mom's SUV and shlepped all of our stuff into her car too. My brother checked things out while waited for the tow truck. Thankfully, my family has connections in their small town and the tow truck was willing to come a bit further than usual. That way my SUV was able to be brought to their town rather than the closest random shop that it would have otherwise been.

I am VERY grateful that we broke down so close to my mom's place, instead of in the middle of no where with no cell coverage & 3 kids by myself. I really do consider that a miracle in itself! Thankfully, our SUV got fixed & we were able to move forward.

Onto the wedding!

My hubby, Aaron, had to fly in for the weekend of the actual wedding (someone's gotta make money around here). So, I got to drive 2 hours to the airport to pick him up. It was worth it though!! He was an awesome emotional support to me and it meant a lot that he was there to be a part of things.

The wedding & reception were on a boat, which was really fun!











I will post more pics from the wedding when I get them. Unfortunately, it may be a while.

The wedding was great! It was a bit crazy at times since I ended up being the wedding coordinator with zero warning. But at the end of the day, my mom got married to a nice man & they are both very happy. That's all that matters.

We got to have some play time back at the farm after the wedding too. Did I mention that the guy my mom married is a farmer? Well, his name is Dave & he is a farmer. :)

One of the most fun things we did at the farm was ride 4-wheelers.



In fact, Aaron even went mudding. He's the one on the left. :)


It was loads of fun!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Random goings on...

Our computer died a couple of weeks ago. It's a bit depressing, because we really cannot afford to replace it right now. I am trying to focus on the positives. I had JUST uploaded 2 years worth of pictures to Costco.com and ordered hardcopies of them for our photo albums. Phew! Also, we both have iPhones. Honest to god, we would be SO screwed without them!

However, my lack of a computer is throwing a cog in the wheel of this blog. So far I haven't figured out how to get pictures on the blog (from my phone). And, it's just a little more complicated to post in general. But, what are ya gonna do?

In other news, I started using whole wheat flour instead of white flour. So, I'm feeling like it's a good, healthier step for me & my family. And, it's been a success in most things...meaning we actually LIKED the end result. The only thing I made that ended up a little too heavy was blueberry scones. I think it's because they are already more dense, the whole wheat flour was a bit excessive. I may try it again, with half white & half whole wheat. But other baked goods have been pretty tasty. The other thing I have been using is splenda instead of sugar. Whether you agree if it's healthier or not, it IS a LOT less calories, so that's really good for me! So between the whole wheat flour & the splenda, I am feeling way better about my cravings for baked goods. ;)

One thing

that is hard for me, is not being able to help/fix/change anything for my friends & family when things are hard for them. I'm talking about when there are big problems - like big financial trouble, marital trouble, deep struggles in faith, etc. I HATE that!

I mean, when you love someone, doesn't it just suck to feel so helpless?!

So, I pray. I ruminate. And I hope for change (for the better).

Interesting article on Marriage ...

I just read this interesting article in The New York Times titled "Is Marriage Good for Your Health?"

In the article it talks about the link between your physical health & your relationship status. It started with a study that was done in 1858 about married people being more physically healthy than single people, and single people being more healthy than widows/widowers. Obviously, our society today is a bit more complicated than those 3 categories of old. We have divorce, homosexual relationships, lots of people choosing to just live together rather than ever marry at all, etc.

So, there have been tons of studies since then that are more relevant to TODAY. The part that is STILL very proven, is that our physical health is absolutely linked to our emotional health (which our relationships are an intricate part of).

"The results showed that the women in unhappy relationships and the women who remained emotionally hung up on their ex-husbands had decidedly weaker immune responses than the women who were in happier relationships (or were happily out of them)."

Research shows that some level of relationship stress is inevitable in even the happiest marriages. The solution isn’t to stop fighting. It’s to fight more thoughtfully. “Difficulties in marriage seem to be nearly universal,” he said. “Just try not to let fights be any nastier than they need to be.”

Also noted is the importance of taking time off together and making sure their disagreements don’t degenerate into personal attacks. Use those moments of stress as an opportunity to repair the relationship rather than to damage it. “It can be so uncomfortable, even in the best marriages, to have an ongoing disagreement,” she said. “When your marital relationship is the key relationship in your life, a disagreement is really a signal to try to fix something.”

So, in the end I found this article really encouraging. There are real health benefits to being stubborn enough to keep dealing with problems until they are actually solved! ;-) I can't count how many fights (*ahem* discussions) we had in our first years of marriage that went on for hours and after the few minutes of being upset, really went deep into what was really going on, and truly dealt with our issues at the time. And now, we actually have far fewer of those. Once in a while we will still have (& need) a discussion into the wee hours of the night - hashing things out. It's not easy, but in the end it's always been so good for us. I'm so grateful that we have that pattern established...I'm sure we will utilize it for the rest of our lives.

We have always told people "We are passionate people. We fight passionately, but we make up passionately too!" So there you have it!

**I DO have to say also, that I think it really makes a case for the times that it IS healthier to get out of a bad relationship rather than just stay in it, for the sake of staying. It definitely takes two people (and a lot of work from both of them) to have a healthy happy relationship.

here's the link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/18/magazine/18marriage-t.html?scp=1&sq=is%20marriage%20good%20for%20your%20health?&st=cse

The truth about THIS Stay at Home Mom

1. Nap time is mostly for my benefit. When they were babies, it was for both of us, and my kids will still occasionally have super crabby days where they NEED a nap, but for the most part - it's for my benefit now. Of course, nap time is usually just a quiet time now. Call it what you want - it's really for my sake.

2. I wear some version of sweat pants or lounge pants almost every day. I know that I shouldn't, but I do.

3. I will wait to pick up my house(with the exception of small tidying) until just before my husband comes home. Oh sure, it will seem like it took me all day, but most often I only spent 15 or 20 minutes on it.

4. I have the luxury of working out when my kids are at preschool. Let me restate this in a more accurate fashion: I force myself to workout when they are at preschool. Yep, I've become that mom. Now, don't get me wrong...I'm not some pampered pooch with perfect nails, bod, hair & makeup (as you all know). I'm just the red faced mom in sweats picking up her kids from preschool. Most of the time I want to say "I was just working out. I DO own other clothes, people. I swear! And I do my hair sometimes too..." Ugh! So much for caring what other people think, right?!

5. There are more, but I'm drawing a blank...maybe next time...

Viva La Coffee!

It's only the 19th of the month & I'm almost out of coffee. My Costco membership needs to be renewed & we can't afford to renew until Aaron gets paid again...grrr! I may try to get my MIL to snag some for me & I can pay her for it. I HATE buying coffee anywhere other than Costco now, because it's such a rip off! I can buy a huge 2 lb bag at Costco for $10 vs. the 1/2 lb bags for $8 anywhere else...not really a tough choice, is it?!

I feel like that dog on the commercial for beggin' strips (I think) 'bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, BACON!' Except mine is 'Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, COFFEE!!'

Yeah, I'm addicted, and I'm okay with it. :-D

Happy Monday!!

Just thinking...

I gotta get my creative juices flowing! I finally bought more darkroom chemicals, which is a step in the right direction. Now I just need to set aside 2 or 3 hours to actually CREATE! I have another "session" scheduled this Saturday, so I might wait till I get those films back. I use quotes because I feel stupid calling them sessions. It makes me feel like a 'wanna be' or something. I'm sure that's sort of stupid, but I have enough friends/acquaintances that are doing photography (or attempting to) for a job that I think about these things. I don't really want to talk about photography too much or anything in a public setting because I don't want to be seen as if I wanna be like so & so. The truth is that I've been into photography since High School. I took my first photography darkroom class as a junior in HS & have loved it ever since then. I probably just need to stop caring what people think.

I took some pics...

and I can only put up one, as they are for a surprise for Mother's Day.

BUT here is the one :-)

Something lighter...

Spring break was awesome!!

We roller skated our little hearts out!

But wouldn't you, if you looked this cute & cool?! ;-)

We also went to 'How to Train Your Dragon', which was a blast! We took advantage of the $5 special downtown Spokane (all movies are $5 before noon - yay!). Which is a steal of a deal! Sadly, the 3D rate would have been double the price and I just could not justify spending $50 on tickets alone, so we settled for the regular 2D version. Guess what?! It was a great movie and the kids were riveted! Love, love, love it!

We also got to have friends over for dinner and play games, Jehu got to have 2 sleep overs and we got to rent a bunch of movies that we have been waiting to see forever. :-) We also decorated eggs with the fam earlier in the week and had a really great Easter too! We actually got to enjoy our Easter with close family friends joining us (well, those that weren't home sick anyways).

How can you resist cute faces like these?! You can't.

Until they are so hopped up on sugar that you suddenly can. ;-)

Ugh!

It's been a hell of a week emotionally. My parents split up 2 years ago. Ever since then, my dad has been a bit crazy - vacillating manic-ly between sort of wanting to get healthy, functional, and repentant AND sadly much more often being a manipulative, victim that acts crazy, hurtful and quite frankly verbally abusive.

We've been dealing with the second half this week. It's honestly exhausting, and completely fruitless. It's way more difficult than reasoning with my 4 & 5 year olds.

It all started with an email that was about sports and at the very end it said something that was immediately a red flag to me.

Background info: My mom is getting re-married to a nice man in July. I'm happy for her, and ultimately she is an adult & it's her choice and her life. Period.

Well, in the email my dad said something about 'maybe around the wedding'. Like I said - immediately red flags began to wave. I talked to Aaron about it that night. I needed to respond, but wanted to find a way to communicate that I didn't want to talk about the wedding with him. We could make plans for July & leave it at that, right?! The word that came to me immediately though, was BAIT. I knew it was bait - to reel me in to crazy town with him.

So, 24 hours later (I have yet to respond), I get another email from him. This one is less subtle and more manipulative and victim-y. Short & bitter it simply said: Sorry...since I never hear from you unless it is the obligatory holiday call I won't bother you. I really get the sense that I am to be forgotten

I KNEW it was bait! Yeah, okay so this one pissed me off! I wrote out one email & then deleted most of it and re-wrote another because I knew the first version was just biting back. This may seem like an overreaction on my part, but I've been dealing with this for 2 years, I KNOW the routine.

I DID use the opportunity to draw some boundaries about not wanting to talk about my mom, her fiance, her wedding or anything else. I said that I want a healthy relationship with him and he can call me too - it's not just my responsibility to call him. Also, why cant he just say 'I miss you' and 'what's new?' Why does it always have to be this over-dramatic crap?

Well, I will sum up the rest, because I'm not going to justify his vomit & vial spewings. Basically, it did not go well. He was absolutely verbally abusive & after many attempts to reason with him - making the truth plain before him, it became blazingly obvious that there is just no point. I told him that we are both adults, and our relationship is our own. He can't blame anyone else. And at this point he is pushing me out with his actions & behavior.

I didn't say this, but at the end of the day, I know that I can't fix him. I'm not his mother - I have 3 children, I do not need a 4th that is in his 50's. I just cant do it. And more than that, it's not fair to my family. When he is spewing his crap, it affects me. He is trying to pull me into crazy town, and I just cannot let him do that to me anymore.

This week I have had to pray constantly and play worship music continuously (seriously 24 hours a day) just to hold on to sanity by my finger nails.

So it is desperately sad to me, but I just cannot continue to have relationship with him at this point. If he was physically hitting me, I wouldn't take it anymore. I have had counsel about this as well, because I just plain don't trust my emotions. I'm too in the middle to see straight.

What I DO know, is that I have put up with this for 2 years. He is not capable of having a relationship at this point. And I cannot sacrifice my own sanity for him or the sanity of my family, and my children. I'm not going to do it.

He is an addict. Alcohol, sex, and God only knows what else. He has been for (most likely) his entire adult life. I know that I didn't cause it, I can't cure it and I can't control it. More than that - I cannot be a casualty of his addictions & sickness. I cannot allow his choices and drama to throw my life into upheaval, to affect my mood or the mood of my household. All I can do is decide to be healthy.

So, that is what I am trying to do.

Growing up

So, Roz got a new haircut! It really makes her look so grown up, which is scary and amazing all at the same time. How does time fly so quickly?

She also lost her first tooth!

Which was closely followed by the loss of her second tooth.

Ack! How can she be so big already?!

Gardens and other good ideas

Do you have visions of yourself being all uber-domestic and earthy - having a beautiful garden packed full of luscious vegetables and fruit but is also perfectly weeded? This is, of course, also includes having a gorgeous green yard that is free of all weeds as well. I have this vision every summer. Okay, my vision is just to have a gorgeous green yard. I'm not so picky as to ask for the garden yet. Unfortunately, every summer I go into it with the best of intentions and by the end, my grass is mostly brown or at very best a dull green, with brown patches in the spots that get no shade.

We don't have a sprinkler system and that is absolutely the number one issue. It's so hard to be consistent with watering the lawn without one. However, the very close runner up issue is that every summer we leave for at least 2 weeks (more like 3) to visit my family in the midwest. Most years my hubby has had to stay home to teach summer school (and to take a golfing trip with a few close friends). Well, let's just get real and admit that this is when the system breaks down.

My hubby is not a lawn guy. He doesn't really do consistency very well either - especially without the rest of us around. In fact, by the end of our trip, he's kind of a pathetic mess. He is lost without us. Which, I actually have to admit, I'm glad about. I'm glad that he misses us like crazy and that he feels lost without us.

The lawn going to crap is not all his fault though. After we get home, the routine of taking care of the yard is shot to hell for me! I haven't had to think about it for several weeks and it takes a while to get back into the groove. By the time I do, it's just too late. So, we settle for grass that looks like crap and that is on life support for the rest of the summer.

This last summer we vowed that we were going to install a sprinkler system this year. The only problem is that we went on this incredible family vacation this winter (Disneyland) and we were already carrying debt before that due to life - building an awesome new shed last summer to replace our shed that was destroyed by the snow the winter before, car stuff, other needs with life, and having to pay for a trip to the midwest entirely on our own (we usually get some help from my parents with the cost of the trip, since it's a trip that is basically a requirement every year. My grandmas lay on the guilt, let me tell you!). Let me preface this by saying, I really LOVE my family and I LOVE that we have this tradition. It is just that as a one income family with small children, we really don't have it in our budget to pay for this trip every year. I mean we are talking about a trip that costs us at least $2000 (usually more by the time you talk about getting the SUV tuned up for a trip like that, as well as gas, food, hotels, etc) PLUS, with the added bonus of my parents divorce the trip is now even longer and more expensive than before - awesome.

So, the sprinkler system will have to wait.

As far as our yearly trek to the midwest, it is something I absolutely look forward to every summer. It is when I see my aunts/uncles/cousins/grandmas as well as all of my friends from there. When I go, it's always so hard to leave too. I feel so conflicted. I SO relate with that movie 'Sweet Home Alabama' in those times. I love my life in Spokane and yet when I go home and visit my family and so many incredible friends - that fits too! It is so hard to leave them all and I often wish that we lived closer to each other to be able to get together and have coffee and to just stay close. These friends are the kind where we pick up right where we left...it's not just about talking about old times, but really about catching up and remembering how well we really DO know each other and love each other. It sucks to say goodbye!

PLUS, I have these totally different worlds that I feel like I belong to, and I SO wish that people from one world could see the other parts of who I am. I wish that my awesome friends from the midwest could visit me in Spokane and see my home and get a better picture of who I am and my life now. Heck, even my grandmas have no idea about my life here. The only people who have a whole picture of my life are my parents and siblings (thank God). And I wish that people from here could see my life back there and see a bigger picture of my history and have a greater understanding of who I am (and why).

All of that to say, tele-porting would really come in handy for me...anyone have any leads in that?? If so, please contact me!

2 things

Sometimes I want to walk into a restaurant (or a party) and declare 'What's up bitches!' but I don't (usually).

I also like to say (yet rarely actually do) 'Suck it bitch!'. I like to say this to men in particular. Hehehehe

I just had to get that off my chest. :-) All this restraint can only go so far. So I figured that this would be a good place to let it go.

Happy Friday!

A few updates

It's been SO nice out lately! On Saturday we all headed to Riverfront park to walk and play. It was wonderful! We walked across many bridges and watched the river, chased ducks and geese, watched the kids slide down the big red wagon a ton of times, and best of all - we breathed in the fresh air and soaked up some some serious rays!

See - it was SO bright that the kids couldn't even really look at the camera very well. :-)

I also finished a cute little scarf for Roz, per her request. She loves it!

Isn't she adorable?! Oh, and she has her first loose tooth ta boot! She is getting so big.

She is super thrilled about her tooth and wiggles it religiously. ;-)

In other news, I have finally found the perfect dress to wear in my mom's wedding!

Too bad I won't look like this lady in it. ;-)

I am actually really excited to wear this dress, because even though I don't look like this model, it does actually look very good on me. PLUS, a friend of mine (that happens to work at the store) helped me & made sure I found a dress with child friendly material, as well as humid-Iowa-weather-in-July friendly. Isn't that fantastic?

Art Projects

So, on our day off we decided to do an art project. :-) We started by cutting out words and pictures from magazines and pasting them, then we painted on top of it. To paint, we used yarn and ribbons as well as apples, potatoes and actual paint brushes. It was a lot of fun!

This last one is mine :-) My favorite quote in it is 'messy in a good way', though all of the phrases speak to me and carry a lot of meaning for me.

I love that I got to incorporate my Disneyland ticket and a fast pass from the Indiana Jones ride in Disneyland too (one of my favorite rides)!

Reading

I woke up this morning feeling a bit antsy. After thinking about it, I realized that I need to find a new book or book series to get lost in. :) Every once in a while I just need to mix up my routine a bit. I need an escape and to live vicariously through a fictional character for a while.

So, I headed to Barnes and Noble and picked up the first two books of the Stephanie Plum series. I've had several people recommend them. They are not deep or philosophical, but they are fun for sure! This is really up my alley because life can often feel heavy enough for me. I don't need to read heavy books too.

So, tonight I plan on curling up with my new book to read the night away. :) It sounds heavenly!

Lately

I've been in a bit of a slump. Not really sure why. I've been sick. My hubby's been working a lot lately too. He's coaching basketball, which means I am home for a LOT of hours with the kids by myself. PLUS, we've been really buckling down money wise. I think all of that adds up to being a bit house bound and therefore a little down. At least there are reasons, I guess. But still...I'm feeling the need to mix it up a bit.

The rest are other random thoughts I have (in no particular order):

I finally worked out last night. It had been over a week since I'd done that. I really didn't want to go, but I'm glad that I went. I really did feel better afterwards.

I'm thinking about adding a streak or two to my hair. Blonde or red. Might do it this weekend or early next week. I'm excited to try it out. I haven't done that for a long time. :-)

I'm currently avoiding my laundry & my laundry room at this point too. It's such a cluster right now. Ugh!

The kids are banging around upstairs right now. I better go see what trouble they're into now.

Memories

My 8 year old son, Jehu, has been getting phone calls from friends lately. It's a new thing. He is officially getting older, and I am having all of these memories coming back of my own childhood.

I was asking Jehu why his friend from school was calling him everyday. They had just been together all day for goodness sakes. Jehu's response to this question is what brought it all back. He simply answered, 'I like to talk to him. It's just fun to talk on the phone, too!'

Wow. Now that he mentioned it, I DO remember getting home from school & immediately wanting to talk to my friends on the phone. :-) I guess it wasn't just a girl thing.

Then, I remembered something awesome. When I was in the 6th grade, I got a swatch twinphone for my room! This is a picture of the phone I actually had - color & all. (It was 1989 after all)

It was SO. COOL. Not only did I have a phone in my room, but I had a twin phone. The base of the phone was also a receiver. Which meant my BFF Erika could come over to my house & we could BOTH be on the phone talking to another friend! Hence, the twin phone.

It was seriously SO COOL. Are you getting the major coolness that was this phone? I am actually feeling giddy just thinking about it. :-)

My how the world has changed. Glad that I can remember the fun of days gone by and experience a little bit of history repeating itself through my kids.

Do you remember this?

I don't remember what it was actually about - weight-loss probably.

I don't know why, but this phrase has always stuck with me though. 'Stop the insanity!'

Again and again, situations arrive that are (in my opinion) crazy and I think 'stop the insanity!' The bad decisions that some people make, the way some people live their lives (no communication at all & then being surprised that it's not working so well), etc. 'Stop the Insanity!'

So, I thought I'd share. Can you relate?

*disclaimer: I am not a perfect person, by any stretch of the imagination, and I KNOW this. There is just a level of crazy/stupid that I cannot refrain from commenting on.

A few random thoughts and things...

1. If you have stumbled upon this blog & LIKE it - follow me! I've had a recent upswing in readers, and am loving it! Thank you!

2. Since my mom has been in Haiti, I have been in more consistent (& constant) contact with several of my extended family members as well as a few of my mom's good friends. They are all so worried about my mom, and want to know what's new. I think this is so sweet, so I will start by stating that. I love that everyone is worried about my mom's well being and want to know that she is safe.

Also, as much as I love that they care, why oh why do a few of them go from asking about my mom, to talking about their illnesses? I DON'T GET IT!

My grandma is the best at this. She really always has been. My grandmother is 85 years old. I am 31, so she is pretty young or at very least she is of a normal age to be a grandmother and great-grandmother. She has always acted very old. Even when she was still in her 50's, you'd have thought she was in her 70's because of how old she acted! There are people that are young at heart, and then there are the others and my grandmother is definitely in the 'others' category. I love her, but it's just true. :-)

This week, she has informed me all about her teeth, her bowels, her skin, her eating habits, and her abundant fears. Not only has she informed me about hers, but she then proceeded to ask me about MINE!! I kid you not, she asked me about my bowels! Okay grandma, I love you, but this is where I draw the line!

Lord, help me to never be like that!

Sadly, I had a similar conversation with my mother's friend as well, and she is in her 50's! Seriously?! Is there something about me that screams 'tell me about your poo' or something? I don't get it, and in case anyone would like clarification - please don't tell me about your poop or your bowels!

3. I watched Conan O'Brien's last Tonight Show. He is a class act! I loved what he said about not being cynical:

"To all the people watching, I can never thank you enough for your kindness to me and I'll think about it for the rest of my life. All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere.

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."

Very wise. Conan, you will be missed!