The school year has been in full swing now for a couple of months. I waited a while to say much about it, because quite frankly - I was HATING it. Not the teachers or my kids, just the schedule itself. I felt like my life is happening TO me...or running me over most often.
My SIL had a baby a few weeks ago and since then, I have realized how much our lives have really changed this year. We don't have that open schedule to plan playdates or coffee dates that can last however long we want them to. I can't be spontaneous and just decide to go to Greenbluff because it sounds fun. I have to run Roz to kindergarten at 12:30, but first I have to run Noah up North to preschool at 11:30. I get a whole 20 minutes to do what I want to do while all the kids are in school, and then I start the pick ups...oh really, a whole 20 minutes?! Agh!! That 20 minutes rarely ends up even being mine anyways, because I usually have some errand to run that I need to squeeze in. Then there's the soccer for Noah and ballet lessons for Roz. Then, I can't forget about Jehu's basketball or baseball. I want my kids to have activities that are just theirs, and as long as they enjoy it, I'm happy to get them there. BUT, it's A LOT at the same time.
I felt like all I did was holler at my kids to get dressed & hurry up. I felt tired all the time. And most importantly, I really felt I had lost my joy. That is NOT how I want to live my life! I dont want those to be the things my kids remember about how mom is, either. So...
I FINALLY had an emotional breakdown and talked to Aaron about all of it. I NEED HELP was the general theme of that convo. In reality, I am a highly capable woman, but sometimes, I need to just ask for help and allow myself to be weak.
I still dont love the schedule this year. And, I think I need to keep reminding myself that 'it's just a year - I can do anything for a year'. BUT along with that - my husband has really stepped up to help me too, thank GOD! We decided to keep the TV off between dinner time & bed time for the kids...so we can be more present & on purpose. Everyone helps clean up after dinner too, which is nice for me...I shop for the food, I plan, I cook - I really dont want to have to clean it all up (by myself) too. We're working on implementing other things too, but those few have been the most helpful changes so far!
Thankfully, I am feeling lighter and more like myself again. I still dont love our schedule this year, but I am dealing with it and we're gonna make it!
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