Goodbye for now

Well friends, it's time to say goodbye to this blog. It was therapeutic for me and a good way to keep track of life, etc. But, I am just too stinking busy these days. I imagine that I'll start a new one sometime down the road that better encompasses where I am at in life. Until then...lots of love to you!

xoxo
Nicole

We've been having fun...

For Jehu's 10th birthday, he asked if I could put some color in his hair. So, we had a little hair dying party & put a few streaks in the kids' hair. It was Jehu & Roz, as well as Jehu's best friend, Malachi. :-)

It was loads of fun & the kids all love their hair!

Dude, I suck at keeping up with things these days...sorry

So, I wanted to share a few pics of some things I've been doing.

This sums it up pretty well, I guess:

I LOVE this style - it's not everyday hair, but it IS runway hair:

And then I did this color on my friend Morgan, which I also LOVE!

I've done a bunch of cuts & other stuff too, but I have been a slacker in the photo department, so I have nothing more to show you. Sad, I know.

I LOVE cosmetology school though, can you tell?!

Yipes!

Life has been a bit of a blur lately...hence the lack of blogging.

I have started school and I LOVE it!! It is SO much fun & I can't wait to get there everyday. Okay, everyday except the first two days of my period...I would have rather just stayed home those two days.

I love what I'm learning & I love to practice it. I freaked my kids out with my mannequin head too which was pretty fun! Oddly enough, Aaron was more freaked out about it than the kids. Ha! It does always make me feel a little weird to pull a head out of a bag though - I'm not gonna lie.

I got my hair done too - which I LOVE! (ignore my washed out face in the last one...I didn't bother taking the time to adjust natural light, etc.)

It's fun, right?! Well, I am in cosmetology school - I had to try some new looks, right?!

Oh how we love vacation...

Even if it IS only for a few days.

At Safeco Field watching the Mariners play

My how I love the ocean! And low tide is the best...it's just so fun to explore & dig & walk the beach...getting wet and sandy on purpose...with huge smiles on our faces the whole time.

Digging for geoducks (pronounced gooey ducks - they are really HUGE clams that also are quite phallic looking...trust me just google it. *YIKES*)

They are really deep...

This is Aaron & I "crab hunting" too...

Skipping rocks is pretty fun

Seaweed that looks like Indian Jones' whip is pretty cool too!

And family...family is the best :-)

I'm still alive...

and with all my parts, so I guess it wasn't leprosy afterall. ;-)

Apparently, it was some kind of skin reaction or rash or something, because it wasn't acne either. I got myself all freaked out (thank you webMD) thinking that it could be MRSA or a staph infection too. I was obsessed and convinced that it was starting to spread. I finally broke down and asked my husband to pray for me, because I was seriously starting to lose it.

One site suggested applying hydrocortisone cream, which we actually had in the house already. So, I decided to give it a try (as a last ditch effort before total meltdown). Thankfully, when I woke up the next morning, the rash looked a ton better - way less inflamed and less bumpy too. That brought a ton of relief. Thank you Jesus!

So, it's slowly going away. And I can now focus on other things instead of my imminent death or loss of limbs. :-)

I must be stressed...

either that, or I have leprosy, skin cancer or the chicken pox. Given my choices, I'm really pulling for stress + that time of the month.

Usually, when aunt flo comes for a visit I will get a few zits on my face - maybe the occasional one on my chest. However, I woke up the other day to discover a friggin' outbreak. In all seriousness, it totally freaked me out. I mean look at this:

I was kind of freaking out - was this some kind of allergic reaction? What the hell? I instantly went to the computer to look it up.

Well, of course it mentions stress right away, especially when coupled with your period, etc. Then it talks about sweat glands & exercise adding to it as well. So, I went back into the bathroom to take off my shirt to look more closely. Guess what I discovered? The crazy acne patches follow the same basic shape of my sports bra.

Oops, I guess I did fall asleep in it the other night after getting all sweaty from working out. I'm not gonna lie - I have done that on occasion before & this has NEVER happened. BUT I'm thinking it must have been that perfect storm of combos. Sweat+PMS+stress = a major breakout. Or leprosy...the jury's still out on that one, if I'm being completely transparent.

*Fingers crossed* that it goes away quickly - I'm too old for this crap. Aren't I?

Lessons I've learned....

I am ever amazed at what being a stay at home parent entails.

I've been ruminating (shock, I know) on how many things I have learned how to do in this job over the years. Just this morning, I have already been outside fixing our retaining wall for the second tier of our yard...hammering the brackets into the wood and then screwing them in, so they stay put. Of course, this is also while keeping the kids on task to get ready for school & eating their breakfast, etc. All before 9am.

I have learned to ask questions. I no longer care about sounding like I don't know what I am talking about, because I probably don't. (And I have also learned that this is probably easier for me, as a woman, than for my husband...because, like it or not, there is still a stereotype that all guys should just know all things fix-it. And when they don't - other guys talk down to them. This still annoys the hell out of me, but that's a post for another time.)

I have learned that it is best to either bring in the exact part that is broken or needs to be replaced or at least take a picture of it, so I can show the people at home depot what I am looking for exactly. That one took a few years to really learn the hard way (and way too many trips back & forth to Home Depot to get the right part in the right size with the right connector piece....gah!).

Some people will try to tell you that once something breaks it will probably be cheaper to just buy a new one than to look for a replacement part. This, of course, depends on what broke, but a little investigating goes a long way. Facebook can be more than just a social thing - when in doubt - ask about it on the ole FB & see what you get back. I found out about an appliance replacement parts shop in my town that has saved us a ton over the years - all because I asked a question on FB. That's not even including the vast info found on the internet...youtube has tons of videos on how to replace or fix all sorts of stuff on there. Why buy a new Stove/oven when you can buy a new heating element for $40? It took 20 minutes to replace. Dude.

Don't discount the local fix-it guy who does it out of his own garage or old shop/store front. I will preface this with - trust your instincts! If you get the creeps - don't do it! However, it could be worth a call - ask a few questions & try to get a feel for how knowledgeable the person is. We just got our lawnmower fixed for $40 last week. Sears wanted to charge me $40 just to look at it & even that was gonna take weeks.

When money is tight - don't forget to ask about used parts. They are way cheaper & are often just as good. We've done this with car parts, tires, TV parts, etc. It's not always worth it, but sometimes it REALLY is!

When buying a vehicle - think about all the ways it will cost you money in the future...does it have an unusual tire/rim size? Or just big tires? SUV tires are expensive! What about the engine? Is it a funky set up that will cost a ton in labor every time you need something fixed? The hubs & I have already been talking about biting the bullet & getting some kind of minivan or smaller rig when we DO buy a new car, because our SUV is big & safe & we love it, but it is also a gas guzzler & tires cost a ton! Unlike my in-laws minivan that fills up for $40 less, drives for a lot longer on that gas & has standard car tires (hello - like WAY cheaper to replace if needed!!).

I guess a good summary is this: stay at home parent = jack of all trades.

Or maybe that's just because I'm cheap. Hmmm. Either way, these are just a few of the valuable life lessons that I have learned. :-)

Whew!

Sorry for the gap in posts...my mom was visiting from out of town, so I have been a bit busy. :-)

We had a great visit...full of coffee drinking and lots of gabbing (of course).

In the midst of all of this, I heard from Paul Mitchell about fafsa...they finally got all of that in order. Yahoo! That means, I can get some Pell grants for school as well as Stafford Loans for the rest. This is a big deal because of their low interest rates as well as the most important part - the loans are deferred until you complete school.

I'm not gonna lie: we had some celebration dancing going on. :-)

I got all the financial stuff in order & signed it all at the school last week. It's a done deal, yo! June 29th - here I come! It was really fun that my mom could be here for this too - I got to take her on a tour of the facility and show her all of the fun gadgets & gear that I will be getting soon, too! Part of me felt like I was 12 again though...I had my mommy with me, at my new school, after all. ;-) However, when she started to get her camera out & asked to take a picture of me with the equipment, I had to draw the line. "Umm, now I feel really dumb. Sorry mom - I can't do that." (flashback to actually being 12, yet in a 32 year old woman's body...um *awkward*) Gotta love moms, right?! I just kept saying "she's just visiting from out of town".

Any-whoo, we had a great visit & I promised her that I'd send her some pictures from my first day of school. ;-) Cause that won't be awkward at all, right?!

Oh, funny addition to the story: when we drove up, there was this kid leaving the school with his dad (with a bunch of papers in hand). The kid looked no older than 17 with a total Justin Bieber-esque haircut. How much do you want to bet that the kid is gonna be in my class?? Sweet Lord - I am SO gonna be the old lady there. :-S *face-palm*

So fun!

This has been our life over the last couple of months. The following pictures are of my oldest son at his baseball game. It's kind of like instant replay. :-)

Here he comes running to home plate (he's on the right in the red batting helmet)...

Starting to slide into home...

And he's SAFE!

I love this last picture. Isn't it so dramatic with the ump standing over them all - emphatically calling SAFE. Jehu was SO proud!

Grace...

I have been ruminating about a few things lately. I ruminate. I'm a ruminator.

I've been feeling frustrated a lot more easily lately. And I finally realized (after much ruminating) that I think it's about grace. I was graced for many years to be a stay at home mom and with that came a sense of contentment and enjoyment in all of the little things everyday. It doesn't mean it wasn't hard or frustrating ever, but overall I felt full and content. I had dreams, but I had a peace about it being in the future and not now.

As I have gotten oh so close to starting this new chapter in my life (& ours as a family) I have felt that old grace dissipate. It's like water running through my fingers. I am trying to focus on enjoying things the way they are right now, because they are going to be changing. And I DO for the most part, but I have also been feeling a lot of guilt at how hard I have to try.

I know I don't have to say this, but I still feel compelled - so here goes: This is not a lack of love for my kids. I adore them. They are a big part of the reason I want to step into this new chapter too. I want to do something that allows for family to still be the priority. And I want to have a way to help support our family & enable us to do the things we want to do. I want my kids to be proud of their mom too - I want them to see this part of me. I want to bless people & step into a deeper aspect of who God made me to be, too.

I know it sounds dumb, because I'm going into Cosmetology which is a fairly vein field, BUT I really want to help people - women specifically. I want to bless them & help them feel refreshed & good about themselves. When I was pregnant & a mom of super little kids I felt drained all the time - I desperately loved when I could go to the salon & feel like a woman. I would have loved to have had those be times where I was encouraged. I had perfectly fine experiences, but I still felt like I didn't quite belong in the salon - I wasn't hip enough or thin enough, etc. I want to be what I wished that I could have had. So, that in my own little way I can make a difference in people's lives. Even if it's just to give them a relaxing experience with some encouragement & to help remind them of how beautiful they are.

So, anyways...after all the ruminating, I realize it's all about the grace. The grace to do what we are called to do in the time we are called to do it. So, instead of feeling guilty, I am trying to remind myself that it is okay - even good & necessary for the grace to be changing as I step into this whole new chapter of life.

Here's to my obsessions...

Zumba: Don't judge. Just try it. It's fun and burns 800-1000 calories in an hour! Dude, I am all about an exercise that goes by fast, burns that many calories in that short of a time and that I can actually enjoy. It's become the only exercise that I am interested in doing these days (okay, almost the only thing). I am just burned out on the regular gym activities. So, if you haven't tried it - maybe give it a shot, k?!

Friday Night Lights: we are watching the last season right now on NBC and I am loving it!

Music: I keep vacillating between my list of fav worship songs (One Thing Remains by Bethel Church, The One I Love by Generation Church & Awakening by Chris Tomlin are my top 3 songs right now) and the newest CD by Tyrone Wells 'Metal & Wood'. LOVE!!

Catching up on some chick flicks: I really liked The Switch and Life As We Know It. I've been taking over our Netflix que lately, since Aaron never watches the movies we get sent anyways. He has to be in the right mood to watch certain movies & all the movies on his list are like depressing and artsy and critically acclaimed and crap. ;-)

Counting down to the end of the kids' school!! Yippee! Only like 5 weeks left or something.

Counting down til I start school! End of June - here I come!! So, I'm all obsessed with gathering enough clothes for my school wardrobe (all black dress code). It's kind of a throw back - school shopping is fun! :-) I don't really have the $ to buy tons, so I'm trying to buy things that can inter-mix.

Drama...

Some days I am on FIRE and able to deal with everyone's crazy. I will not only listen with interest, but I will give you support and suggestions. Hell, I'll bring you dinner ta boot! But today is not that day.

Today, I can barely handle my own crazy. If you try me today, I will be honest with you, but probably not in the I-care-enough-to-be-honest with you kind of way (gracious). It will be in the do-you-think-you-are-the-only-one-with-problems kind of way (not so gracious).

Yeah, some days a girl's only got enough to deal with their own crazy.

Today is one of those days. Lord help us all.

Capturing one little moment...

I woke up to Noah, my youngest, getting in my bed and saying something about staying there all day in the coziness. :-)

Then we laid there for a few minutes, while he asked me about freckles and eyelashes and eyebrows. All while touching mine on my face. I resisted the urge to ask him not to touch my face (*I'll explain in a moment) and let him gently pet my eyebrows, lashes and my "squishy" eyelids. We talked about his few freckles that he has - even the one he has between two of his toes that he didn't even know about, but mom did. And I smiled...listening to him talk and trying to just take it all in. He is stinking cute...he likes to be cuddly still which is nice & will sometimes, just sit on my lap & squish his little cheek onto mine...I love it! Being a mom is pretty amazing! I am so blessed!

**I don't usually like Noah to touch my face, because he is a five year old boy. Lord only knows when he washed his hands last. I'm not really fond of the idea of pink eye, so it's sort of a general rule that I don't like him to be too touchy on my face (or my food) without a hand washing first.**

Rawr...

You know when you agree to do something months in advance and then by the time that thing gets here you want to punch yourself in the face for agreeing to do it?! Yeah, I HATE when I do that. I am SO there right now, too.

I have been doing this catering job that happens once a quarter and lasts 3-4 days at a time. Well, it's about that time again & I am already dreading it. I look forward to making money from it, but here's the deal: I am quitting after this one is over. There is just no way that I will be able to continue doing it once I start Cosmetology school. So, besides already being so over doing this job (knowing that I will be quitting soon). It also overlaps my daughters ballet recital AND my son's baseball game. Gah! I am having a piss-poor attitude about this already - it's gonna be ugly people.

I really need an attitude adjustment, but I can't seem to muster one up yet. Hopefully soon...

It's on my list...

I am a list maker. There, I said it. I love organization and things like The Container Store. If only I could afford all those lovely organizational things. And time...I'm not gonna lie - I don't have time to be as organized as I wish I could be either.

Here are a few random items on my list right now:

I really want to take a series of head shots of each of us and create some kind of wall art with them in our bedrooms. Like this:

Roz and Noah BOTH want to play T-ball this summer, so I need to get them signed up for that...as well as swimming lessons. So, they will be busy! Thankfully, they are close enough in age to be on the same T-ball team. So at least there's THAT.

I am the team mom for my oldest son's spring baseball team, so I feel like I am constantly texting & calling the other parents to keep everyone up to date on all of that. Especially since Spring weather in the northwest is a bit of a fickle bitch...she's hot, she's cold - she's snowing while also being bright & sunny. See what I mean - fickle. ;-) Anyways, I need to let all the parents know about team pictures tomorrow (which means I also need to wash Jehu's uniform tonight).

I am also trying to get myself ready for starting Cosmetology school in June. Especially with my wardrobe. I still need a couple of key items - shoes in particular. I have my eye on a cute pair of Mary Jane KEENs. They are not cheap, but they are perfect for people who are on their feet all day (which will be ME very soon). PLUS, they will fit perfectly into my 'black collection' (dress code) for Paul Mitchell. :-)

And on & on the list goes, but for now...these are the things I am thinking about. Happy Monday!

Trying to be okay with somewhere in the middle...

Have you seen the movie Tangled? It's a great one!

The part when Rapunzel comes out of the tower for the first time and keeps flip flopping between it being the BEST DAY EVER and feeling like a despicable human being ALWAYS makes me laugh! Mostly, because it is SUCH a picture of me and my over active conscience.

Then in other areas (like exercise) - I just have nothing in me to be extreme. Of course, I still feel the pressure (the inner flip flopping) to be extreme or to not give a friggin' rip. But over the last couple of years, I've really been trying to find a middle ground. I am not one of those people that want to be so extreme in exercise or diet that I can't go out to eat or do things. Yet, I want to be healthy FOR ME. I don't want to be held back from doing things because of my body either or because I get so caught up in being self conscience that I am not fully present or in the moment to enjoy whatever it is that I am doing. Does that make any sense?

SO, even though I am not one of those people that want to 'buffet their bodies' for buffeting sake. It also doesn't negate me from needing to be active & healthy either. So, here I am trying to find a middle ground & stay there.

So, just over two years ago now my husband and I began a journey of making some lifestyle changes...incorporating exercise & healthy eating habits into our life...FOR LIFE!! And we both lost a good amount of weight that first year. This second (plus) year has been about keeping it off & maintaining that healthy lifestyle. So, now, we are healthy & strong...yet we are still pretty average sized people - if not on the larger side. I will never be a size 6. Never have been - never will be. But I am an active & pretty dang fit size 12/14. I would like to tone down to a consistent 12. Let's get real too - I have some lovely sagging skin in some places too, but hey - better to be healthier with some saggy arms than fatter and unhealthy, right?! Most days I am good with all of that, but dang if it's not hard to keep that truth & confidence in just being ME, sometimes. Whoosh!

Unfortunately, the last 15 pounds I lost have crept their way back to me over the winter. I am trying to get back to a bit more consistency in my food & exercise. It's a little depressing and I am trying not to let that feeling sink me into feeling like it's impossible. It's challenging to say the least.

So, here I sit - trying desperately to be okay with somewhere in the middle...be okay with my body being somewhere in the middle and to be okay with being fit and healthy, but not a freak about it either. Gah! Off to the gym I go...just to mark it off the list of things to do today. :-)

Growth...

Wow, sometimes, I focus too much on all the things I'm not. Like soulemama.com...have you seen this gal? She is AMAZING. I check out her website/blog & stand in awe. She is pretty much the total package of everything I'm not. Seriously. I am in awe of her.

Then, I either start to feel guilty that I am not doing almost ANY of the things that she does...I am so ruining my children. OR I shake my head and say "you go Soule mama" and celebrate the things that I DO do.

Last month I finally made black beans in the crock pot for the first time. Like from dried beans. Sometimes I amaze myself. :-)

Now, to some - that may not seem like much of a feat, but where I come from - that is kind of a big deal! I mean, I love my family, but I do not come from a family of cooks by any means. I grew up on a steady diet of hamburger helper & various other such types of food. My mom had a handful of meals in her bag of tricks - spaghetti, pot roast & ham...and she can make some pretty delish mashed potatoes too! But, that's pretty close to the end of the list of food that she makes. So, needless to say - when I got married I was not exactly a cook. We ate a lot of cheap crap in fact. Though, my husband did draw the line at hamburger helper. It's really no wonder that we both gained weight like crazy in the first couple of years. *scary*

Anywhoo...thankfully, over the last 5 years or so, I have gotten progressively better in the cooking department. This is partly thanks to Food Network and to many many friends over the years. So, now - I cook REAL food! Yay me!

I heard someone say once that one gauge of real food is food that our great grandparents would recognize as food...sorry Hamburger Helper - I don't think you and your package of flavorings qualify.

Please know that me saying this does NOT mean that we never have mac & cheese or hot dogs or crystal light in the house. In fact - I'm kind of a food hypocrite of sorts, because as much as I want the majority of what my family eats to be real food that is healthy & good for our bodies. I also don't want to be 300 lbs. So, I also use things like Splenda and drink Diet soda. Oh well!

So, I continue to try to focus on the things that I DO and try not to obsess about those things that I don't do. Join me won't you?! It is so much more enjoyable that way!

Spring Break 2011

I've mentioned this before, but my picture taking skills & priorities have been extremely lacking these days. I missed a TON of great photo-ops while we were gone. I guess I was, like, living in the moment or something. Sorry!

We had a fabulous time over Spring Break! We stayed at a (friend of a) friend's condo for FREE, so WOOHOO!! We enjoyed a laid back version of Seattle.

We went to the zoo for a day.

We had a couple of adventure days at Saltwater State Park. One of our very FAVORITE things to do is explore tide pools and discover sea life during low tide. We had a bonfire on the beach and roasted hotdogs for lunch and s'mores for dessert! It was SO much fun! :-)

We caught up on a few movies in the evenings too, which was nice. Don't you just love vacation?!

We couldn't be in Seattle and NOT visit the Pacific Science Center either. It was having a special Star Wars exhibit, after all. So, we had to check that out too! We got to see all sorts of cool stuff from the movies - costumes, props and they even got to "drive" a hovercraft. They were in Star Wars heaven. It was pretty entertaining people-watching, too. ;-)

We also headed up to Canada to spend time with some friends there. We had so much fun with them and their daughter! We stayed up late talking, playing games and watching movies. One evening we went quad-ing (also known as 4-wheeling in the states) by the river too - building a fire and having dinner outdoors...it was great! We enjoyed lots of coffee and hours of great talks! We are so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family!

It was so nice to be away. :-)

Kindergarten...

I am filling out kindergarten registration forms for my youngest son right now. I cannot believe how fast the time has gone. How is my baby going to kindergarten next year? I mean, I am thrilled! And I am ready for the next step of life, but at the very same time - I can't believe that we are already here.

This year has been a big one of transition for me (& us). We have left behind the days of unending play dates. You know, the kind that you can schedule and stay there all day if you feel like it. Yeah, we've had 1 of those this entire year. That used to be a pretty normal occurrence for us, and we've had one. It's sad really. Facebook has recently been a reminder to me, of how very NOT there we are anymore either. We're in the next phase - the 'we are on a schedule life'. Oh sure, we can do play dates still, but only between certain times or on certain days. (which ends up equalling maybe 1 a month...if that! Of course the weather & sickness don't help that one either.) All of my kids are in school, but at different times. Then you add in soccer, ballet, baseball/basketball, etc. Plus, we are also entering the land of big kid dental work - expanders, etc...oh my! I was in the dentist's office 6 times in 6 weeks. 6 times...dear lord! And that was just for my 3 kids.

I'm not complaining...I've actually finally made peace with it (most of the time). ;-)

But it's still sad to think of all the play dates that are happening without us. This summer will just be more of that for me too, of course, with me going to cosmetology school full time. I am thrilled for it though. So, even though I know it will be hard to miss out on so much, I think it will be really fun too! Plus, I am just determining to still do things in the evenings & on my days off. I already told people that Mondays will be my designated play date day (and hopefully swim day most of the time...thank you Noreen!).

It's just amazing to me the difference that a year can make. Lots of changes...

Nothing like a bit of encouragement...

BEFORE (and NO, I was not pregnant in the pic where I am painting)

AFTER...in fact, I took the headshot just now to be completely honest with what I look like at this very moment (rather than all done up). The second pic is still me - just from my mom's wedding this summer. :-)

A friend sent me the before pics just last night. She didn't send them with the intention of being before pics (I don't think), but I'm really glad that she did! I've been feeling down on myself lately - not in a super serious way, but just at times questioning if life is even that different. Forgetting how far I've really come. Nothing like a few pictures to remind you how VERY different you really are. And not just on the outside, but on the inside too. Making choices to be healthy & caring enough about myself to take care of me IS important! It's really improved my mental health as well...which is a HUGE bonus! More than that - life is too short to waste so much time on feeling insecure & not doing the things I really want to be doing! I used to fidget so much with my clothes & was constantly thinking about ME & my body instead of really being able to be fully present & enjoy my family & friends. What a waste! Not any more though!! :-)