SAHM confession

I am so glad that I get to stay at home with my kids! It is such a blessing not to have to take sick days off of work because of my sick kids...or way worse than that - to feel completely torn between work & sick little ones. That was one of my least favorite things about working and having little ones. I enjoy my slower pace at home. I get to drink my coffee and get Jehu off to school and stay in my sweat pants all morning if I want to. My house is able to be cleaned more regularly (and gets messy more regularly). I long for the spring now, so we can go to the park & let the kids play outside for hours at a time, and I can do that because I am a stay at home mom. I love that.

And it's hard sometimes too. It's hard to feel like a functioning part of society. I have come to dread the question of 'What's new?' because so often I can't think of a darn thing. Especially with me - it's always with Aaron or the kids, but with me?? NOTHING! Same old same old...cooking, cleaning, laundering, keeping kids alive, nearly loosing my mind, wondering if I have a mind...take your pick - sometimes, that's all I've got. :-) 

It seems to be a season where people aren't as available to get together now too, so it's been months since I've had a girl's night out (truly and sadly). My friends are either in a seriously bad way financially, or pregnant, or overwhelmed with life, or their ideas of a girl's night out is going to a dance club - which is fine, but not really my thing. 

I am pretty good about planning play dates in the week - at least one every week, and having people over for dinner or a party, which is good. But sometimes I feel like I am going to lose my mind in these same 4 walls. 

I just made out a schedule for me, so I'm hoping that will help. I have also realized that I need to be reading books...it helps me feel like my brain is working, and is a good way to escape and relax. Listening to worship music helps too. Then I have been exercising which has helped too - getting out to the gym (even if it is at 8pm) and exerting myself has helped a lot! The play dates are a must too. I think a lot of this venting has to do with a bit of cabin fever. I really need spring to come soon! Calgon take me away!

And yet, I am grateful. Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling like it's hard...this is what I asked for. So stupid, I know.