Darkroom

Last year, I bought darkroom equipment. I set it all up in my storage room, blacked out all of the windows, and got all of the chemicals. I love it! Sadly, I haven't used it in the last few months. Probably not since before Thanksgiving actually, which makes me so sad. I don't want it to think I don't love it! I do, I really DO! Granted, it is freezing down there right now, and all of my space has been eaten up by random storage & holiday decorations, but STILL. It's time...this weekend I will clean up the storage room! I will take more pictures & get to work! At some point, I would love to have my house full of my own pictures...my own art. 

I want to do this for more than just me...I want to do it for my kids. I want them to see that their mom has lots of parts to her. I don't want those parts of me to disappear. As a mom, it's easy to forget those things about myself. I have lost myself in the everyday stuff at times, and I think that's normal and okay too. There are lots of different seasons of life.

 I can feel things awakening inside of me though. Like the darkroom stuff. I also want to go to cosmetology school when my kids are all in school full time. I know that it's not the time yet, and I am at peace with that, but it excites me to think about that time too. Not in a fantasy kind of way, because it's scary too, and I know that it's going to be challenging & hard at times. Sometimes, I worry what people will think...if I'm doing it just because of someone else or if they think I'll be good at it. I was having coffee with a friend the other day though, and it was so awesome. She reminded me of a time ten years ago when we were hanging out and she declared that she wanted to cut her hair. My response was okay, let's do it! I marched her downstairs & chopped her hair off! She went from having hair that touched her lower back to having shoulder length hair in the period of a half an hour! It even looked pretty good! I was so glad that she reminded me about that, and maybe it's silly, but it was so encouraging! That chick is still in me...the creativity, the boldness and the confidence (in all arenas, but in the hair arena most importantly to my story) so I don't need to worry about any of that stuff. It's all there...now I just need to find ways to let it out :-)  

working on the workout

Well, I am officially a gym member. I have been since January. We weren't one of the new years resolution people...we just couldn't afford it til then. Anyways, there's something about paying for the gym that adds extra motivation. It's a good thing for us. Looking in the mirror is motivating enough most of the time, but every once in a while we need the added 'pocketbook motivation' to keep going. So far we've both lost close to 20 pounds too! Yay! Now for the other 45 pounds each to go! Most importantly, this is a lifestyle thing & not a 'crash diet' thing. I don't want to be a yo-yo-er. Life happens & somedays I need chocolate & that is okay. So far, so good in that. I still have treats once or twice a week & live life...I just try to make good choices in my day to day & exercise. I'll keep ya posted as things progress. 

Ps...things with the hubby are fine. The documentary thing is gonna happen when it happens & he's going to wait to buy things until we have the money (thank GOD...he's come back down to earth & is being realistic about things again...and nice. Nice is good.) Just didn't want anyone to worry. ;-) 

A Rant

My hubby is a teacher by day. A great guy most of the time & can be a serious pain in the ass some of the times. He really wants to make a documentary. He is in the process of buying a VERY nice & not cheap video camera in order to do this. I am supportive of the desire. He has already spent a good chunk of change on a less expensive camera & equipment to do this, then he realized that it wasn't good enough. He can take some of the equipment & use it with the new camera too, so it's not a waste...thank god. I am just so TIRED of the constant additional needs that he has so he can 'do it right'. Now he has just declared that he NEEDS an $1100 adapter for the new camera. UGH! We are going to Disneyland this year as a family - it's already set. I HAVE to go to Iowa with the kids this summer to visit my family and grandmas, etc. I DON'T want to spend one more DIME on his project - at least not right now. We have debt that needs to be paid off first. I am SO tired of this fight. I am so tired of being the bad guy. AAAAHHHHH! I keep trying to remind him that there will always be things that we want & things that would make things better...there will always be the new latest & greatest things. At some point you have to just be happy & make it happen with what you have, right?! Does anyone else have these kind of issues? 

A Blessing

A friend of ours works at H&R Block. She did our taxes last year for us and gave us a friends & family discount. We don't have very complicated taxes, but it's always time consuming & stressful...especially since neither my hubby or I are very numbers oriented. I am, more so than him, but still - that ain't saying much! So, anyways it was such a HUGE blessing to us last year when she did them for us. 

Just today I got a call from her declaring that she had already started entering our tax info for this year (using names & social security numbers from last year's taxes) and that all she needed was our W-2's & papers for this year. I am floored & I could just kiss her! To top it all off, she told me that she got a special at home tax program & could do our taxes this year for free!! She said that she was excited to see how much we would get back and would even come to my house & pick up the papers. How wonderful is she?! I am definitely getting a gift card for her to make sure she knows what a blessing she is to us. I just had to share...

Potty Training continued and other things

Well, we are now entering the bribing/light threatening stage of potty training. Noah is fully aware of how much of an inconvenience it is to go to the bathroom and is tired of it. So, it's either ''if you go potty, then you can watch that cartoon. If not - then no" or "I'll make you hot cocoa if you go potty...don't you want hot cocoa?" Thankfully it's not ALL day that I have to do this, but definitely a couple times a day for sure...oi! It's worth it, it's worth it, it's worth it. (I have to repeat this to myself to keep it up) 

On another note: Jehu had to go to the dentist yesterday to get a baby tooth pulled, because it wasn't falling out fast enough & they didn't want it to mess up his adult teeth coming through. Everything went fine, but he was funny after he got home. He wasn't loopy or anything, but his face was numb on one side. He started feeling his face & said "what is up with this mom? My lips and cheek feel so weird! They are SO squishy." I laughed and asked him "can you feel on your cheek that you are touching them, or only through your fingers?" His eyes got wide & he said in amazement "oh my gosh - it's only through my fingers! This is so cool (pause) and totally weird!" as he keeps squishing his cheek & lips. About a half an hour later he informed me that he did not like it anymore, and had a panic-y sound to his voice. He said that his face was started to feel 'pokey and hurting' and he didn't like it...then he teared up asking if it was going to be like that forever. It was so stinkin' cute! I explained about the numbing stuff wearing off, and that it would feel better once it did. Later at dinner, he said 'Well, my face is back to normal, but (insert dramatic tone) I miss that tooth. I realized that I used that tooth to scratch my lip when it itches, and now it's gone." ;-) Too funny! 

SAHM confession

I am so glad that I get to stay at home with my kids! It is such a blessing not to have to take sick days off of work because of my sick kids...or way worse than that - to feel completely torn between work & sick little ones. That was one of my least favorite things about working and having little ones. I enjoy my slower pace at home. I get to drink my coffee and get Jehu off to school and stay in my sweat pants all morning if I want to. My house is able to be cleaned more regularly (and gets messy more regularly). I long for the spring now, so we can go to the park & let the kids play outside for hours at a time, and I can do that because I am a stay at home mom. I love that.

And it's hard sometimes too. It's hard to feel like a functioning part of society. I have come to dread the question of 'What's new?' because so often I can't think of a darn thing. Especially with me - it's always with Aaron or the kids, but with me?? NOTHING! Same old same old...cooking, cleaning, laundering, keeping kids alive, nearly loosing my mind, wondering if I have a mind...take your pick - sometimes, that's all I've got. :-) 

It seems to be a season where people aren't as available to get together now too, so it's been months since I've had a girl's night out (truly and sadly). My friends are either in a seriously bad way financially, or pregnant, or overwhelmed with life, or their ideas of a girl's night out is going to a dance club - which is fine, but not really my thing. 

I am pretty good about planning play dates in the week - at least one every week, and having people over for dinner or a party, which is good. But sometimes I feel like I am going to lose my mind in these same 4 walls. 

I just made out a schedule for me, so I'm hoping that will help. I have also realized that I need to be reading books...it helps me feel like my brain is working, and is a good way to escape and relax. Listening to worship music helps too. Then I have been exercising which has helped too - getting out to the gym (even if it is at 8pm) and exerting myself has helped a lot! The play dates are a must too. I think a lot of this venting has to do with a bit of cabin fever. I really need spring to come soon! Calgon take me away!

And yet, I am grateful. Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling like it's hard...this is what I asked for. So stupid, I know. 

Potty training

Well, I am starting to see the promise land. I started potty training our youngest son, Noah, two days ago. So far it's been going pretty well. In the two days, we have only had to change one poopy diaper. We are starting to hit a wall though. The newness is wearing off a bit for Noah & he is now not so interested in being inconvenienced. It's hard to stop playing just to go to the bathroom. :-) And it's still so new that I'm asking him to go to the bathroom ever 20 minutes or so. 

There is nothing like potty training to make me feel like I suck at this parenting thing. 

It is pretty cute though when all the kids are lined up to go potty before bed. You can see pride beaming off of Noah's face that he is a big boy now. And when he's finished he declares, ' I'm done. Roz it's your turn now. ' How cute!