Aw, crap!

I was plucking my eyebrows today and had a realization. As I looked at my face up close in the mirror with the bright and unforgiving light of the bathroom, I found something. I found a few little dark hairs that were hiding in the beginnings of wrinkles.

Here, look right here – just above my eyebrow sort of slanted like so: /


That’s where the little bastard hairs were hiding out & laughing. Thankfully, I found them, but still – the fact that they could hide is just a little bit depressing. In all honesty, I can laugh about it at this point in life (mostly). However, the truth lurks and looms of what is waiting for me. And THAT is kind of unreal...

Cleaning up...

Don't you just love a clean house? I almost never get my house clean at the same time, but boy do I LOVE it when it is!

I just got my kitchen cleaned and that is good enough for today. I love how cleansed I feel - it's like de-cluttering my brain and my counters. Unfortunately, it never lasts. I guess that's true with most things.

Like dying my hair - it's been 4 weeks (maybe) and my roots are out of control...grey hair galore. Now, THAT is depressing. So, I guess it's time to break out my special old lady hair dye tonight & get it done. Gone are the days of 'cool' hair color like Feria...nope, I've gotta use the 'Grey Solutions' old lady kind. Oh well, that'll be our little secret. ;-) Once all my roots are dyed and my hair is all done - I'll be back to being mistaken for being 25 again and all will be right in the world. Hahaha *snort* well, it's all true (except the being mistaken for 25 part).

I love my mom...

I am days away from turning 32 and I still have times that I just need my mommy.

I have been feeling a bit run over by life lately, and I was talking to my mom about it the other day. We live about 1500 miles away from each other, so it’s as good as it gets.



I found myself jealous of my sister in law again – as she talked about going to lunch with her mom. It’s one of the sucky parts of living so far away. Most of the time, I don’t really think about it, but in those harder times of life – the ones where you really just want your mom – it really sucks.

Anyway, I went to get the mail today and found a little package in there from my mom. It had 2 different cards in there – one with notes of encouragement and one just to make me laugh. :-) She also included a couple of Starbucks gift cards. Is this a great mom or what?! It is JUST what I needed. When we were talking on the phone last week, she had suggested that I grab coffee for myself in the midst of all of the crazy taxi-like driving that I do. My response was (of course) that I couldn’t really afford to. I mean, one every couple of weeks maybe but certainly not the 4 times a week that I am actually running all over town. Hence, the blessing and thoughtfulness of my mom.

Sometimes, I feel like I am just melting away into the scenery. So, it really means so much to me that my mom would take the time to love on me like this. So, as I sit here writing this and crying at how much I love and miss my mom. I also sit here crying happy tears of appreciation and feeling loved. Moms are the best!

This is one quality that my mom has that I REALLY hope to resemble for my kids.
:-)

A Rant...

Am I missing something? I see all of these weight loss commercials where people declare that they lost 35 or 50 pounds and went from a size 18 to a 6. Who are these people? I mean seriously, are they all 4 feet tall? Is THAT the deal? Because I have personally lost 55 pounds (whoop whoop) and went from a size 18 to a 14/12 depending on the item.

Now, I am not complaining about my own weight loss. I have worked really hard for it and I am thrilled to be where I am now. I also am focusing on being healthy and making good choices for me – knowing that my body will come to a place of healthy for me. AND it’s not likely that it will ever be a single digit size. Momma just aint made that way. ;-)

(Warning: Rabbit trail coming at ya) In FACT, my mom had gastric bypass done years ago and her ending and healthy weight is between 175 & 185. She is a bit taller than I am (granted) but I think we are densely weighted as a people. Exercise will always have to be a part of my life. It is really easy for me to gain weight, but the losing of weight – no so much. Hence, the acceptance of my truth – exercise cannot be optional for me.

(Back to the rant) All of that being said, what the hell?! Either, the commercials are crap, the people being featured are all little people, or they literally carried every stitch of extra weight in their stomachs alone. There have even been a few ads that claim even more dramatic differences like ‘I lost 35 lbs and went from a size 24 to a 4’. WHAT-EVER! And I can’t help but give the TV the finger at that point. I mean SERIOUSLY!

confessions...

Every Saturday Noah has a soccer game, and every Saturday about half an hour before his game we are trying to find his friggin' team shirt. EVERY SATURDAY! And every Saturday after his game I declare that we need to keep all his soccer stuff together from now on. But somehow, in the week - that friggin' shirt runs off and we repeat the same stupid pattern over & over & over again. It's infuriating at this point.

Last Saturday, after 5 minutes of looking for his %^$#@*!& shirt I was so pissed that I literally felt like the incredible hulk. I mean it - it is one of the few things that actually makes me go from 0 to 150 mph in mere minutes. Hence, the hulk reference. It's actually helped to have a descriptive for the feeling. It may make me a terrible person, but it is the kind of illogical, and crazy pissed off feeling that I get. Thankfully, Aaron was there. I put my hands on his shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes and said "You have got to take over. I can't find his effing shirt & I'm turning into the hulk. Seriously - YOU have GOT to FIND IT!" He just got all wide eyed & with a smirk says something to the effect of "yes, you are...I'm on it". Thank GOD for him, seriously.

Letter to an Ex...

**I would like to preface this post by saying that I am happily married and have been for 10 years. This is just something I've felt a bit guilty about for years...so I thought there's no better time than now to apologize.


Dear David,

You were a really sweet guy. A great first boyfriend to have…kind, respectful, innocent. I’m sorry I hurt you. When I broke up with you, I told you it was because you were going to leave for college (in a year). It was crap (obviously) and I’m sorry.

The truth is – you were too clingy. I was 16 and wanted to have fun (which we did) but I wasn’t an insecure girl who wanted you to call her every day for no reason. I came to dread the daily phone call after school where you would just sit on the phone with nothing to say. It was weird. AND you got way too serious WAY too fast and I didn’t know how to navigate that or just ask you to slow down. Partly, because I was flattered that you wanted me to be your girlfriend. Looking back, I wish I would have been honest with you (nicely), because I think I probably hurt you more by coming up with BS reasons rather than just being honest (or you came up with your own reasons that were not true). I’m sorry. I was 16 and stupid. In summary: It wasn't you, It was me (okay...it was a little you).

;-)

Working on an attitude adjustment...

The school year has been in full swing now for a couple of months. I waited a while to say much about it, because quite frankly - I was HATING it. Not the teachers or my kids, just the schedule itself. I felt like my life is happening TO me...or running me over most often.

My SIL had a baby a few weeks ago and since then, I have realized how much our lives have really changed this year. We don't have that open schedule to plan playdates or coffee dates that can last however long we want them to. I can't be spontaneous and just decide to go to Greenbluff because it sounds fun. I have to run Roz to kindergarten at 12:30, but first I have to run Noah up North to preschool at 11:30. I get a whole 20 minutes to do what I want to do while all the kids are in school, and then I start the pick ups...oh really, a whole 20 minutes?! Agh!! That 20 minutes rarely ends up even being mine anyways, because I usually have some errand to run that I need to squeeze in. Then there's the soccer for Noah and ballet lessons for Roz. Then, I can't forget about Jehu's basketball or baseball. I want my kids to have activities that are just theirs, and as long as they enjoy it, I'm happy to get them there. BUT, it's A LOT at the same time.

I felt like all I did was holler at my kids to get dressed & hurry up. I felt tired all the time. And most importantly, I really felt I had lost my joy. That is NOT how I want to live my life! I dont want those to be the things my kids remember about how mom is, either. So...

I FINALLY had an emotional breakdown and talked to Aaron about all of it. I NEED HELP was the general theme of that convo. In reality, I am a highly capable woman, but sometimes, I need to just ask for help and allow myself to be weak.

I still dont love the schedule this year. And, I think I need to keep reminding myself that 'it's just a year - I can do anything for a year'. BUT along with that - my husband has really stepped up to help me too, thank GOD! We decided to keep the TV off between dinner time & bed time for the kids...so we can be more present & on purpose. Everyone helps clean up after dinner too, which is nice for me...I shop for the food, I plan, I cook - I really dont want to have to clean it all up (by myself) too. We're working on implementing other things too, but those few have been the most helpful changes so far!

Thankfully, I am feeling lighter and more like myself again. I still dont love our schedule this year, but I am dealing with it and we're gonna make it!

NYC in August

So, we had one last amazing hurrah this summer. We went to NYC for our 10th anniversary! We left the kids with the grandparents (and aunt/uncle, and friends) for a whole week and took NYC by storm!

Here's a quick list of some of the amazing things we did:
Saw the statue of liberty (via the staten island ferry)
Walked across the Brooklyn Bridge (followed up with eating delicious brooklyn pizza at Grimaldi's pizza)
Times Square - during the day and at night
Went to the MET & the Natural History Museum
Walked through Central Park
Rode the Subway all the time (we felt like it was a new cool game that we had learned by the end)
Ordered Chinese food at 1:30 am
Hot dogs from a street vendor (street meat)
We went to a Broadway Show - 'Promises, Promises' with Sean Hayes and Kristin Chenoweth (it was AMAZING!!)
NBC Studios tour - got to see SNL studios and walk those hallowed halls :-)
Went to the Top of the ROCK (which has a great tour of it's own talking about how it all originated)
9/11 Tribute Center - we bawled our faces off, but it was SO powerful!
Went to Chinatown, Little Italy, Greenwich Village, Chelsea (the chelea market is awesome!), NYU campus, SOHO, the garment district (Parsons school of Design!),Upper West Side, Upper East Side, Brooklyn, etc! Basicly we went EVERYWHERE!
Shopping, shopping and more shopping! We haggled with a few street vendors and had a grande time.

We had a tour of FOOD:
Ippudo in Greenwich village. Japenese Ramen - SO AWESOME! I MUST attempt to make this!
Cookshop in Chelsea - gourmet deliciousness. We had rabbit, oysters, lamb, etc.
Tabla - amazing Indian Food. We did a tasting (which is like 10 courses of incredible food in ways I have never had them!)
Magnolia Bakery - we went here several times including on the eve of our last night in NYC. Gotta LOVE that you can buy cupcake deliciousness at 11pm in Greenwich Village
Sushi in Times Square
Ate really good food at an Irish Pub called the Pig 'n' Whistle - which was super authenticly Irish...waitress included.
We drank at the House of Brews at midnight...shots with the hubby is FUN!
Shake Shack - best burgers and shakes! And we beat the lines - which can be hours long!
Grimaldi's Pizza in Brooklyn (long wait, but seriously good!)
Amazing Italian food with an unbelievable bread basket in Little Italy!
Etc, etc, etc...

We had the time of our lives! It was a trip that we will never forget! I really wouldn't want to live there, but it was FANTASTIC to visit!

Check out some pics from the trip:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=231461&id=855642263&l=4ffba4b65f

We have some GREAT tips to share with anyone who wants to visit NYC too, so email me & I will happily share!