So fun!

This has been our life over the last couple of months. The following pictures are of my oldest son at his baseball game. It's kind of like instant replay. :-)

Here he comes running to home plate (he's on the right in the red batting helmet)...

Starting to slide into home...

And he's SAFE!

I love this last picture. Isn't it so dramatic with the ump standing over them all - emphatically calling SAFE. Jehu was SO proud!

Grace...

I have been ruminating about a few things lately. I ruminate. I'm a ruminator.

I've been feeling frustrated a lot more easily lately. And I finally realized (after much ruminating) that I think it's about grace. I was graced for many years to be a stay at home mom and with that came a sense of contentment and enjoyment in all of the little things everyday. It doesn't mean it wasn't hard or frustrating ever, but overall I felt full and content. I had dreams, but I had a peace about it being in the future and not now.

As I have gotten oh so close to starting this new chapter in my life (& ours as a family) I have felt that old grace dissipate. It's like water running through my fingers. I am trying to focus on enjoying things the way they are right now, because they are going to be changing. And I DO for the most part, but I have also been feeling a lot of guilt at how hard I have to try.

I know I don't have to say this, but I still feel compelled - so here goes: This is not a lack of love for my kids. I adore them. They are a big part of the reason I want to step into this new chapter too. I want to do something that allows for family to still be the priority. And I want to have a way to help support our family & enable us to do the things we want to do. I want my kids to be proud of their mom too - I want them to see this part of me. I want to bless people & step into a deeper aspect of who God made me to be, too.

I know it sounds dumb, because I'm going into Cosmetology which is a fairly vein field, BUT I really want to help people - women specifically. I want to bless them & help them feel refreshed & good about themselves. When I was pregnant & a mom of super little kids I felt drained all the time - I desperately loved when I could go to the salon & feel like a woman. I would have loved to have had those be times where I was encouraged. I had perfectly fine experiences, but I still felt like I didn't quite belong in the salon - I wasn't hip enough or thin enough, etc. I want to be what I wished that I could have had. So, that in my own little way I can make a difference in people's lives. Even if it's just to give them a relaxing experience with some encouragement & to help remind them of how beautiful they are.

So, anyways...after all the ruminating, I realize it's all about the grace. The grace to do what we are called to do in the time we are called to do it. So, instead of feeling guilty, I am trying to remind myself that it is okay - even good & necessary for the grace to be changing as I step into this whole new chapter of life.

Here's to my obsessions...

Zumba: Don't judge. Just try it. It's fun and burns 800-1000 calories in an hour! Dude, I am all about an exercise that goes by fast, burns that many calories in that short of a time and that I can actually enjoy. It's become the only exercise that I am interested in doing these days (okay, almost the only thing). I am just burned out on the regular gym activities. So, if you haven't tried it - maybe give it a shot, k?!

Friday Night Lights: we are watching the last season right now on NBC and I am loving it!

Music: I keep vacillating between my list of fav worship songs (One Thing Remains by Bethel Church, The One I Love by Generation Church & Awakening by Chris Tomlin are my top 3 songs right now) and the newest CD by Tyrone Wells 'Metal & Wood'. LOVE!!

Catching up on some chick flicks: I really liked The Switch and Life As We Know It. I've been taking over our Netflix que lately, since Aaron never watches the movies we get sent anyways. He has to be in the right mood to watch certain movies & all the movies on his list are like depressing and artsy and critically acclaimed and crap. ;-)

Counting down to the end of the kids' school!! Yippee! Only like 5 weeks left or something.

Counting down til I start school! End of June - here I come!! So, I'm all obsessed with gathering enough clothes for my school wardrobe (all black dress code). It's kind of a throw back - school shopping is fun! :-) I don't really have the $ to buy tons, so I'm trying to buy things that can inter-mix.

Drama...

Some days I am on FIRE and able to deal with everyone's crazy. I will not only listen with interest, but I will give you support and suggestions. Hell, I'll bring you dinner ta boot! But today is not that day.

Today, I can barely handle my own crazy. If you try me today, I will be honest with you, but probably not in the I-care-enough-to-be-honest with you kind of way (gracious). It will be in the do-you-think-you-are-the-only-one-with-problems kind of way (not so gracious).

Yeah, some days a girl's only got enough to deal with their own crazy.

Today is one of those days. Lord help us all.

Capturing one little moment...

I woke up to Noah, my youngest, getting in my bed and saying something about staying there all day in the coziness. :-)

Then we laid there for a few minutes, while he asked me about freckles and eyelashes and eyebrows. All while touching mine on my face. I resisted the urge to ask him not to touch my face (*I'll explain in a moment) and let him gently pet my eyebrows, lashes and my "squishy" eyelids. We talked about his few freckles that he has - even the one he has between two of his toes that he didn't even know about, but mom did. And I smiled...listening to him talk and trying to just take it all in. He is stinking cute...he likes to be cuddly still which is nice & will sometimes, just sit on my lap & squish his little cheek onto mine...I love it! Being a mom is pretty amazing! I am so blessed!

**I don't usually like Noah to touch my face, because he is a five year old boy. Lord only knows when he washed his hands last. I'm not really fond of the idea of pink eye, so it's sort of a general rule that I don't like him to be too touchy on my face (or my food) without a hand washing first.**

Rawr...

You know when you agree to do something months in advance and then by the time that thing gets here you want to punch yourself in the face for agreeing to do it?! Yeah, I HATE when I do that. I am SO there right now, too.

I have been doing this catering job that happens once a quarter and lasts 3-4 days at a time. Well, it's about that time again & I am already dreading it. I look forward to making money from it, but here's the deal: I am quitting after this one is over. There is just no way that I will be able to continue doing it once I start Cosmetology school. So, besides already being so over doing this job (knowing that I will be quitting soon). It also overlaps my daughters ballet recital AND my son's baseball game. Gah! I am having a piss-poor attitude about this already - it's gonna be ugly people.

I really need an attitude adjustment, but I can't seem to muster one up yet. Hopefully soon...

It's on my list...

I am a list maker. There, I said it. I love organization and things like The Container Store. If only I could afford all those lovely organizational things. And time...I'm not gonna lie - I don't have time to be as organized as I wish I could be either.

Here are a few random items on my list right now:

I really want to take a series of head shots of each of us and create some kind of wall art with them in our bedrooms. Like this:

Roz and Noah BOTH want to play T-ball this summer, so I need to get them signed up for that...as well as swimming lessons. So, they will be busy! Thankfully, they are close enough in age to be on the same T-ball team. So at least there's THAT.

I am the team mom for my oldest son's spring baseball team, so I feel like I am constantly texting & calling the other parents to keep everyone up to date on all of that. Especially since Spring weather in the northwest is a bit of a fickle bitch...she's hot, she's cold - she's snowing while also being bright & sunny. See what I mean - fickle. ;-) Anyways, I need to let all the parents know about team pictures tomorrow (which means I also need to wash Jehu's uniform tonight).

I am also trying to get myself ready for starting Cosmetology school in June. Especially with my wardrobe. I still need a couple of key items - shoes in particular. I have my eye on a cute pair of Mary Jane KEENs. They are not cheap, but they are perfect for people who are on their feet all day (which will be ME very soon). PLUS, they will fit perfectly into my 'black collection' (dress code) for Paul Mitchell. :-)

And on & on the list goes, but for now...these are the things I am thinking about. Happy Monday!