I finally turned in my application to Paul Mitchell Cosmetology School last week. I am really excited about it, but I am TOTALLY freaking out about it too. I haven't heard anything from them yet, which is nerve wracking (of course), but it is seriously getting in my head too. Can I do this? What was I thinking? Don't I realize how expensive it is to be a stylist? I mean - I may as well sell friggin' Mary Kay. They have to buy all their crap before they can sell it too - so do most stylists. AND I have not been one of those women that HAVE to look great all the time. And aren't I supposed to be my own like model or advertisement or something? I mean, shit - I feel like I'm screwed before I even get started. I am just not one of those women. I am a yoga pant wearing chic who likes efficiency and if I'm running to the gym, I may as well run all my errands while I'm out kind of girl...oops, I got in the car & realized that I haven't even LOOKED at my hair & wow - I don't have any makeup on either...awesome. *face palm* what was I thinking???
Holy self doubt batman...I think I've found my main source of stress. Gah!
On top of that - I had another bout with my dad. He acts like a douche & I can see it coming before it actually outs itself fully (in it's initially veiled manipulation). Yet, it still makes me totally crazy when it goes from veiled to outright douche-ary. It's been a week and a half and I feel like I should call him now, even though I don't want to. Because, of course, acting like a douche doesn't make people want to talk to you - it makes them want to avoid you like the friggin' plague. BUT being the responsibility whore that I am...I just feel stretched thin between obligation & the 'right thing to do' and what I want to do which is nothing. *Deep breath* Sorry, I know this is vague & probably annoying to read.
On top of all of this is my frustration over weight. The holidays kicked my ass. Actually - it started in NYC & got worse through the holidays. Now, I am here about 12 pounds from where I wish I was (okay way more than 12 pounds from where I wish I was, but 12 pounds from where I was this summer), and feeling defeated. I know I'm not defeated, but I am having a hard time making any headway on it now. I am trying to be consistently working out, but quite frankly it's the food thing that is my hardest right now. I'm just frustrated!! I felt like I was making good progress and then I got my period and along with my overnight 5-7 lb weight gain I also have the cravings from hell & loss of willpower. I keep vacillating between telling myself that it's just fluid & will go away as soon as I'm done with my cycle and panic that it won't. What if it isn't just fluid & I just keep going in this circle of idiocy every month - lose 4 pounds just to gain 5. Agh!
It's totally that time of the month, can you tell?! Maybe I should just shut up & wait for it to be over. I want to say I should go eat a brownie or something, but that's part of my problem. *face palm* Stop the insanity!
Sorry for the stressed out post of my crazy head talk. How the heck do I change this?? I have GOT to snap out of this!
Alright, I'm going to go have a cup of coffee & wait to say anything more until I can be more positive.
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