Kindergarten...

I am filling out kindergarten registration forms for my youngest son right now. I cannot believe how fast the time has gone. How is my baby going to kindergarten next year? I mean, I am thrilled! And I am ready for the next step of life, but at the very same time - I can't believe that we are already here.

This year has been a big one of transition for me (& us). We have left behind the days of unending play dates. You know, the kind that you can schedule and stay there all day if you feel like it. Yeah, we've had 1 of those this entire year. That used to be a pretty normal occurrence for us, and we've had one. It's sad really. Facebook has recently been a reminder to me, of how very NOT there we are anymore either. We're in the next phase - the 'we are on a schedule life'. Oh sure, we can do play dates still, but only between certain times or on certain days. (which ends up equalling maybe 1 a month...if that! Of course the weather & sickness don't help that one either.) All of my kids are in school, but at different times. Then you add in soccer, ballet, baseball/basketball, etc. Plus, we are also entering the land of big kid dental work - expanders, etc...oh my! I was in the dentist's office 6 times in 6 weeks. 6 times...dear lord! And that was just for my 3 kids.

I'm not complaining...I've actually finally made peace with it (most of the time). ;-)

But it's still sad to think of all the play dates that are happening without us. This summer will just be more of that for me too, of course, with me going to cosmetology school full time. I am thrilled for it though. So, even though I know it will be hard to miss out on so much, I think it will be really fun too! Plus, I am just determining to still do things in the evenings & on my days off. I already told people that Mondays will be my designated play date day (and hopefully swim day most of the time...thank you Noreen!).

It's just amazing to me the difference that a year can make. Lots of changes...

Nothing like a bit of encouragement...

BEFORE (and NO, I was not pregnant in the pic where I am painting)

AFTER...in fact, I took the headshot just now to be completely honest with what I look like at this very moment (rather than all done up). The second pic is still me - just from my mom's wedding this summer. :-)

A friend sent me the before pics just last night. She didn't send them with the intention of being before pics (I don't think), but I'm really glad that she did! I've been feeling down on myself lately - not in a super serious way, but just at times questioning if life is even that different. Forgetting how far I've really come. Nothing like a few pictures to remind you how VERY different you really are. And not just on the outside, but on the inside too. Making choices to be healthy & caring enough about myself to take care of me IS important! It's really improved my mental health as well...which is a HUGE bonus! More than that - life is too short to waste so much time on feeling insecure & not doing the things I really want to be doing! I used to fidget so much with my clothes & was constantly thinking about ME & my body instead of really being able to be fully present & enjoy my family & friends. What a waste! Not any more though!! :-)

Friends...

It is so fun to experience the world through my kids eyes! This is a little video of my daughter and her BFF the morning after a sleepover. It just takes me right back to my own childhood. There is just nothing like laughing and dancing and being silly with your best girlfriends! I love listening to them talk for hours and laugh til their sides hurt. It reminds me of how blessed I am to have so many wonderful and deeply meaningful friendships of my own. And I get so excited to think of how my kids are forming some of their own lifelong friendships even now at their age. Truly great friends are just the best!

The many lives or possibilities of what could have been…

Every once in a while, I think about how many different ways my life could have gone. When I was younger, I felt so much pressure about making the 'right' choices. Now, I don't mean morally - I still want to strive to make good choices on a moral level. BUT, what I'm talking about is more on the life choices level. I mean, especially at a certain point - I was so worried about messing up my 'destiny' and making the right choice for my future…and again, worrying that I was somehow going to royally screw it up.

It's funny to me now (at least to a certain point), because I'm starting to see that God really doesn't care all that much…I mean, He cares, but I guess ultimately I think I gave myself way too much credit in my ability to screw it up.

I mean, I used to tell my hubby that in another life I could have lived in a studio apartment in the city & pursued acting. Then on the other hand, I think I could have been a business woman - a ball crushing hard ass business woman (sadly, it's really probably not much of an exaggeration). Or a stylist (which, I am actually pursuing). Or a bunch of other things I can't even imagine. And really - I probably could have chosen any of those things and been happy. Of course, I'd have different struggles or paths than the ones I've had so far, but I think it could have been equally good. I don't say that because I am somehow unhappy with the choices I HAVE made either.

I guess I am just amazed at how big God is and how crazy it is that you can make a few decisions and end up somewhere you never could have imagined being and be so happy to find yourself there. It's pretty amazing.