A sad blog

I was talking to my mom today. I told her that I'd love to have my aunt Diane come out for a visit in the fall with her (my mom), just for fun. We spent a couple of days with her in Iowa when we were there a month ago, and it was so fun! She LOVES the kids, and they love her.

A little background on my Aunt: she no longer has kids of her own. She & her husband had a son named Dustin. He was the joy of their life! They were also pregnant, but lost their other baby boy just short of him being born. It was such a terrible time. They were great parents. Eventually, they were at peace with things, knowing that they had Dustin was such a comfort.

Dustin was 7 years old when they were driving on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere in the midwest. The 3 of them were all together, and had no idea there was a tornado warning in effect. The tornado ran right into them & destroyed the van and their life as they knew it. Dustin was killed in that terrible storm. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced. I won't go into further details, because they are truly what nightmares are made of for any parent. Dustin would have just graduated from High School in June.

All of that background, is to preface this conversation that my mom was relaying to me. She was telling me that in her last conversation with my Aunt Diane, she was crying and talking about how fun it was to be with my kids. She then went on to say how desperately she wished she could have kids of her own to experience that with. As soon as my mom said that I burst into tears...my heart aches for my aunt. I SO wish that she could have that. It's these types of things that I just don't understand. I don't understand WHY. Why this happened, where God is in all of it, and just how deeply unfair it is.

It also makes me want to be there for her even more, for her to know how important she is to me & my kids. I'm just so damn far away! I hate these parts of living so far away.

So, I cry, and I pray. I don't know what else to do.