Is it wrong...

to be torn between sending a few old ladies to the naughty chair or beating their asses right there on the spot?

I SERIOUSLY contemplated both yesterday when I was SO beyond badly treated by these bitchy old ladies. I put together most of a christmas dinner for the Spokane Bridge Club last night (the main dish was lasagna made by someone else...I did the rest). It was for 70 people. I was early & fully prepared. The lasagna lady showed up late - dumped her stuff & dashed (the ass-hat). So, the old bittys got all rilled up & unloaded on ME about how they had to wait. They were being SO rude! I apologized nicely several times - trying to explain that the lasagnas were late & the gal hadn't cut any of them, so we needed to do that really quickly, etc. And they continued to be horrible to me...complaining about me, the wait, etc. They actually made it personal too - attacking me as a person! I am not exaggerating when I say how truly rude & horrible they were. After the whole ordeal I was crying in the back room. Though I'm not sure if it was because my feelings were hurt or I was just so PISSED OFF (mostly the second one). Either way, I considered both quitting on the spot & making an announcement to the whole group about what terrible people a few of them are. As well as informing that I would be horrified if my children ever behaved like they just had. (Yep, I'd shame the shit out of these bitches). Instead, I tried to serve with a smile, cried in the back room for a moment & then just cleaned up and got my behind out of there. I am considering writing a letter to a few of the head people with the Bridge Club though, because I will not be treated like that again.

Sorry, my experience with them yesterday brings out the swearing...whew, rant over.

I think I finally figured it out...

I've been feeling in a funk lately. I haven't been able to put my finger on why, but I've just felt off.

It's the holiday season and I LOVE the holidays, and yet I haven't quite felt myself. It's been really strange.

Well, just today I was ruminating on this again...praying & ruminating. And I finally think I've figured it out. It was like the picture came into focus, and I actually feel better.

I feel like I am on 'pause'. I know what I want to do with my life - I even know where I want to do it...in fact I EVEN have a timeline of WHEN I will be doing it...it's just 6 months away. And, so emotionally I can feel myself ready for this next step. I don't feel the same grace & peace for being home 24/7 like I did in so many years past. Not that I'm not grateful - because I really am! And I LOVE my family - they are a big part of why I want to do what I do. But I can feel the seasons change in my soul.

So, for now, it helps me to at least identify what I am feeling. It helps me to enjoy that last bits of this season instead of being frustrated by them. And, it helps me to know that I'm not crazy...at least not any crazier than usual. ;-)

Muffin Tops...

I have seen all the butt cracks I can take and I can't take any more!

Sadly, these are not the butt cracks one expects to see & dare I say even hopes to see (for the sake of a little giggle ONLY) ie plumbers. No, no...these are the butt cracks of ladies who are obviously unwilling to admit that they are actually a size (or 4) larger than they had once been (see how I'm giving them credit here - maybe they were once that size. Even though, if I'm honest, I doubt most of them ever were.).

Do these chicks not know that when they sit or bend over or pretty much do anything, that we can see that ole muffin top exploding out of their pants? Now, I am really not talking about the little bit of pudge that likes to make itself known around the holidays or anything like that...I'm talking about the blatant ones. The kind that we all just go 'uh, honey - who do you think you are fooling?' Since when is it more attractive to wear jeans under the belly & let it all hang out? Have we all turned into middle aged men who let their bellies hang out? I mean seriously...

In fact, it was when my size 6 friend said to me a few years ago "That's it - I need to buy mid-rise jeans from now on...the low risers are just not working!' that I had a revelation. This is not just a big girl problem. This is a woman problem...

So, I say to woman kind - buy the jeans that ACTUALLY FIT YOU. No one has to know the size that the tag says. No one has to know if they are mid-rise or low rise. I guarantee that you will be more comfortable! And, the rest of us will no longer have to pretend that we didn't just see way more of you than any of us wanted. Deal?!

Wishing for an adventure...

I sit here at home today in my cozy clothes thinking about adventure. I am in the mood for going on a new adventure...too bad adventures usually cost money (which is the ONE thing we don't have too much of these days...dang it!).

I watched "Eat, Pray, Love" the other day and loved it! That's probably what sparked my desire for adventure and travel.

Then again, I am pretty comfy here at home watching the snow come down outside, while I sit in the office watching a movie and writing. Oh well, I guess I will just enjoy my relaxing day at home instead.

So, if you find yourself torn between your desires for adventure and being relaxed at home...may you find contentment. There is a quote that my hubby read lately that really resinates with me "Comparison is the thief of joy & contentment".

I think that's what I want to try to hold onto more than anything else in this holiday season - contentment.

Who lives in your head?

This is who lives in mine:

Angela Chase from "My So Called Life"

The first show I watched as an adolescent that I REALLY related to! I started my hair dying journey of streaks and trying new things right along side her too. Contemplative, hard on herself, a little insecure at times, and feeling like she doesn't quite fit in the box.

Monica from 'Friends'

Cleaning & organization spaz with her secret messy closet. ;-) Hair-brained at times, clumsy & willing to look stupid/go out on a limb too (especially for her friends). And she cooks!

Dr. Phil & Oprah

I am usually the one to ask the question no one else wants to ask or address the elephant in the room. This can often result in 2 disorders - foot in mouth syndrome and verbal diarrhea. I tell it like it is, but I also love to encourage people at the same time, so at least there's that!

Lorelai Gilmore from "Gilmore Girls"

A mom that's just trying to do the best she can...with flair, a drink once in a while & (hopefully) a whole lot of fun! :-)

Dear Self...

Stop with so much word vomit. You don't have to share all of your thoughts just because you think & feel them...especially when it's about other people. Seriously...exhale on the choices that other people make. Your obsessing isn't changing anything, so STOP IT!

I know you feel that it's impossible to ignore the elephant in the room. Sometimes that is a good thing, but sometimes it's not actually an elephant. Sometimes, it's that you need to be more mature and accept that people are going to make choices that are different than you and you just need to shut up about it. Seriously.

**Now, if only I could take my own advice. Ugh!**

My New Adventure

For the last few years, I have been considering what I would like to do next in life. You know, once the kids are all in school. I’m not really too interested in sitting around the house all day by myself, or cleaning my house everyday all day. I mean, I probably could clean it everyday all day, but who wants to live like that?!

Anyway, a couple of years ago I realized that Cosmetology could really be an amazing fit for me. It would be about a year of school. Eventually, I would have flexibility...flexibility to go on vacation when we want to and STILL be able to make money and book clients around my schedule. I would get to be social and not be chained to a desk all day. AND, I would have a trade…heck, something I could do from home if I wanted to (if/when I had the clientele).

Still, I have been thinking it wouldn’t be until Noah was in first grade, which is not for another year and a half.

However, I’ve been thinking more and more about the whole topic. I finally decided to just GO SEE the Paul Mitchell School – thinking that maybe it would help put some questions to rest.

It was really nerve-wracking getting ready for the tour. I’ve been really worried about being way older than the rest of the students. I mean, cosmetology school has rules like ‘you must be, at least, 17 years of age’. 17! I am almost double that (dear LORD!). Am I gonna be ‘with it’ enough? Cool enough? Or am I going to stick out like a sore thumb (me and my old lady grey-roots)?

Fast-forward a bit…it was AWESOME! I LOVED IT! The 2 gals that walked around with me were in their mid 30’s & mid 40’s, and they were both students! It was so encouraging! They talked all about how much of an advantage it was for them to have lived life before going to school, and how they have clients that come to them because they don’t have green hair. In the end, I was so excited! I actually felt as though there was a part of me that was being awakened that has been dormant in me for quite a while. It felt like a breath of fresh air in a part of me that I had kind of forgotten about.

So, I have decided that I am going to apply to cosmetology soon and if the school will work with my schedule, I will actually be starting school this summer. You see, they have both night school and day school options. And the gals I talked to said that sometimes people switch from day to night (or vice versa). Not all the time or anything, but the school has been known to work with people’s schedules. SO, in my application I am going to propose (with full disclosure) an idea: I’d like to start cosmetology school this summer going full time (day school) which is Tue – Sat from 9-4:30. Then in September switch to night school which is Mon – Thur from 5-10. I would stay in night school for the entire regular school year (til approx. mid-June). Then I would switch back to day school for the duration of my training. I think that I should be able to complete my training sometime in the fall of 2012 (which will easily be at least 6 months earlier than I would if I waited to start school in the summer of 2012).

I know that it is possible that the school will not want to work with me and my strange proposed schedule, but it’s worth a shot. Worst case scenario, I will just wait until my original start time of summer 2012. Either way, I am excited about the future. I know it will be a challenge too, but it will be worth it. :-)