On the phone

What is it about talking on the phone, that makes children turn into little crazys? It's like clockwork at our house...I answer the phone & my kids instantly start fighting or have to talk to me RIGHT now or start bleeding. I mean, come on...can't you wait 5 more minutes to hurt yourself? (kidding)

Seriously though, I can't tell you how many times I end up locking myself in the bathroom, or am in the office - bracing the door closed, just to finish a conversation. :-) It's like a sixth sense that kids all have. Even now, I decided to call a friend really quickly while the kids are upstairs playing & just as the phone is ringing, I hear the pitter patter of little people coming down stairs to ask mom a really important question. How do they do that? 

It's either the interrupting thing, or it's the mischievous thing...it's like they know, 'mom's on the phone - let's get into stuff'. 10 minutes ago, while I was on the phone, I turn around & see Roz on her tip toes desperately trying to reach the thing that I told her was off limits just 2 minutes before. Well, let me tell you...it's never dull around here. Call me, and you'll hear all about it :-)

Random things

There are things that we, as parents, say to our children all the time that we would not even consider saying to another adult. To get the full level of funny - read each of these thinking you are saying them to an adult. The following is a list of a few of those things (in no particular order):

Did you finish your food? No more talking until you eat more of your food. No, I said no...no talking. EAT! (can you imagine saying this to an adult? HA!) 

No, no, no...farts are from your butt and burps are from your mouth. 

Where did you put your booger? I saw you picking your nose a second ago...don't act like you didn't. I know better than that, so where did you put it? (please GOD don't say you ate it)

Please don't lick me. I want you to kiss me, not lick me.

Did you flush the toilet? (quickly followed by) Did you wash your hands with soap & water? 

Please get your hands out of my cup...now I'm going to have to dump it all out, because Lord only knows where your hands have been.

Woo hoo - looks at those cute buns! (okay, maybe you would say that to an adult, but if it were to anyone other than my spouse - I would have to be pretty drunk!) 

Why I named my blog Things Only Parents Say

So, I LOVE Bill Cosby. I love his humor from way back all the way through to today! We all repeat his jokes around our house all the time too! 

One of the things he said is how we as parents will say these ridiculous things in the heat of the moment with our kids. In the car, when they are going crazy 'he's touching me', 'stop touching me', 'she touched me first', etc... And we as the parents declare, 'there will be NO touching of anyone or by anyone in this car ever again!' It makes me laugh just thinking about it. And I have made these very same declarations in my car and house! It's when these kinds of things come out of your mouth, that you then stop & smile at the ridiculousness. Ahh, parenthood! These are the things that only parents say...

Things only parents say Pt.1

So, I woke up to Noah being about 2 inches from my face the other morning. 'Mom, I'm Pooooopy'. Well, good morning to you too! 

We walk down the stairs to the family room to get him changed, and he is jabbering to me about transformers and ninja turtles. He is talking at top volume already & hurting my ears at the very moment. I ask him to talk softer because it's just too dang early to be so loud, and doggone it if you wake your brother & sister up - there will be trouble!  Which makes Noah talk in his "whisper talk"...which any parent knows is not really a whisper at all. BUT, it is significantly quieter than the yelling he was doing previously, so I'll take it. 

Onto changing his diaper. I open his diaper - wipes all ready. I then proclaim "hey, your poop looks better than it did yesterday!" And that is something that only parents say...

Vacation Adventures - April 2008

We decided to head to Seattle for a few days...ya know, get out of town, clear your head, just relax. We had a great time - swam in the pool, went to the zoo, the locks, Bell square, etc...all good & fun! We also planned on an adventure day. 

We decided to get up crazy early to catch the first ferry out of Edmonds at 5:45am, so we could drive for 2 hours to explore the tide pools on the coast (well, nearly the coast anyways). SO, we wake up at 5 am and throw on our clothes (that we had, of course, set out the night before...as no decisions can be made at 5AM...yuk!). We then wake the kids & get them dressed...still half asleep as we expected. So, we arrive in Edmonds in time for the ferry (phew). It’s still dark (of course) so the kids are confused...is it morning? Where is the sun? How can it be morning without the sun? We decided to go up to the viewing deck of the ferry...it’s dark, but who knows - maybe we’ll see something anyways. The kids are excited about it - we’re on a boat...it’s the middle of the night...it’s exciting stuff, right?! So, as we are headed up the stairs, Roz falls & is crying...she hurt her finger...then Jehu is crying...what the heck? sympathy tears?? Nope - he tripped too...now there’s blood. He wants me to hold him, but there’s blood starting to almost gush from his mouth & I don’t really want to be covered in blood all day...so I am searching for the few wipes I have in a baggie in my purse. I find them, and start to wipe his hands first because Jehu is getting more freaked out by the second just seeing his own blood on his hands. The wiping is quickly followed by hugs, of course. 

I have my ’super calm’ voice now - trying to calm the situation. By this time we have climbed to the viewing deck to at least sit down & really see the wound, and settle down. Aaron is now starting to freak out a little bit too 'should there be this much blood? I don’t think there should be this much blood...you have to be more careful Jehu...’ So, now I am using my super calm voice on Aaron too...'everything is fine honey - you’re not helping right now...the mouth is a big bleeder - it always looks worse than it is...everything is okay (and so forth).’ Jehu is starting to calm down now - holding the last wipe to his lip, which is starting to slow way down (thank god). A few moments later - Jehu is wimpering again, then suddenly stops & says in a very chipper voice 'hey, can I go play that video game?’ My response was of course 'sure' (relieved...quick recovery, huh?) I get a look at his teeth & both front/top 2 teeth are hanging by a thread now. They were just loose before the blunt force, but the fall just expedited the process. 



Everyone had a juice box & was in pretty good spirits by the time we get off the ferry. We even made a couple of jokes about not tripping on the way back to the car...can’t afford to lose anymore teeth. So, now we’re on the road...it’s getting light out by now & Jehu pulls his teeth all the way out...he thinks it’s pretty cool & starts talking about how he can’t wait to show his friends. He has a fat lip, and is talking with a lisp now with no front teeth...it’s pretty freaking cute. (he can’t wait to th-ow hi-th friend-th).
 


A while later Roz starts wimpering & saying how she doesn’t feel good. Aaron & I both figure it’s just about the early morning & we haven’t really eaten much yet and tell her to try to sleep for a while. Well, after about a half an hour of random warnings from Roz - she infact throws up. Thank goodness we had given her a nearly empty chip bag just moments before. Aaron is driving, and I am turned around trying to help Roz hold the barf bag - anticipating more puking (and I was right), but also starting to feel a bit queasy myself...all the while Noah starts in on wimpering too...oh boy, this could be interesting. 



We finally get to a town for breakfast...which was the entire problem to start with: early rising, acidic juice & nothing else in the stomach + a ferry ride & windy roads = barf central :-) Incidentally, Roz is MUCH more perky after she threw up. We all get out of the car & I spill a little of Roz’s puke on my jeans - yuk! At the very same time, Noah threw up - a little on Aaron’s arm as he was quickly trying to turn Noah from facing Aaron to facing the ground (he must have heard/felt the pre-puke convulsion or something...TMI, sorry). 

Thankfully,  we are laughing at this point...what else can you do really, but laugh. The kids are feeling great now - just hungry while Aaron & I have had our fill of blood & puke for the day & it wasn’t even 8am yet. We all had breakfast & everyone was feeling right as rain when we left the diner. Jehu made sure to eat soft food (or th-oft food as he said), and all was right in the world. We were off for our day of adventure...and adventures we did have. 

It was great to get away, but it’s always wonderful to come home too! Just had to share a bit of our time with you all, as you know - it’s never dull with the Allen’s!